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the graph below show the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v.2

the graph below show the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 2
The diagram illustrated the proportion of population aged 65 in 3 countries USA, Japan and Sweden during 1970 to 2040. As shown at the beginning in 1940, USA had the most proportion of population in compare of two other countries (=9%) and has gradually increased also it is predicted that the amount would be gone up by 2040, at about 25% that will be more less than two other countries. Japan had the lowest percentage of the aged 65, and this amount was increasing just before 1990 after it, the population was increasing and diagram anticipated after 2020 with a suddenly growth will be the highest aged producer among USA and Sweden. Sweden usually was in middle of USA and Japan. Although after 2000 it was the most important aged 65 producer but diagram describe that it will be at middle in compare to two other. So that according to graph the percentage proportion of population aged 65 usually was accompanied with growth and will be going up until 2040 near to 25%.
The diagram illustrated the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 in 3 countries USA, Japan and Sweden during 1970 to 2040. As shown at the beginning in 1940, USA had the most proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in compare of two other countries (=9%) and has
gradually
increased
also
it
is predicted
that the amount would
be gone
up by 2040, at about 25% that will be
Use only "less" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more less
than two other countries.

Japan had the lowest percentage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65, and this amount was increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
1990 after it, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
was increasing and diagram anticipated after 2020 with a
You used an adverb ('suddenly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('growth') instead of another adjective.
suddenly growth
will be the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
producer
A determiner is probably missing here: "among the USA".
among USA
and Sweden.

Sweden
The adverb 'usually' usually goes after the verb 'was'.
usually was
in middle
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
and Japan. Although after 2000 it was the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65 producer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible agreement error. The noun 'diagram' seems to be countable, so consider using: "diagrams".
diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
that it will be at middle in compare to two other.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that according to graph the percentage proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
65
usually
was
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
growth and will be going up until 2040 near to 25%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS academic the graph below show the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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