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The charts compare the spending of an average American household on six different types of products or activities in 1998 and 2008. v.2

The charts compare the spending of an average American household on six different types of products or activities in 1998 and 2008. v. 2
The given pie chart illustrates the spending habits of an American families on six different commodities in year 11998 and 2008. Overall, from the graph, it can be made out that American families had opted for spending lavishly on two main products such as clothing and durable goods cumulatively in 1999 and 2008. In year 1998, the American families has spent their maximum income amounting to 17% on electronic goods, followed by clothing at 12%. While the American families spent their income about 8% on vacations and 6% on eating. Also around 3% percent of equal earnings is utilized for purchasing newspapers/magazines as well as on going to cinemas. The year 2008 has witnessed the repeated trend on spending the maximum amount of income on electronic goods, followed by clothing at 17%. While the families speeding on eating is 6% and money spent on going on holidays is 5%. From year 1999 to 2008, there is a considerable increase in spending on clothes and electronic goods. While there is 3% sharp decrease in people spending on holidays and there is slight decrease on spending in eating over the nine years. On the contrast, there is no spending on going to cinema and purchasing newspapers/magazines
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrates the
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spending
habits of an American
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "family"?
families
on six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
commodities in
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year
11998 and 2008.

Overall
, from the graph, it can
be made
out that American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
had opted for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
lavishly
on two main products such as clothing and durable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
cumulatively
in 1999 and 2008.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1998, the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
has spent their maximum income amounting to 17% on electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, followed by clothing at 12%. While the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
spent their income about 8% on vacations and 6% on eating.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
around 3% percent of equal earnings
is utilized
for purchasing newspapers/magazines
as well
as on going to cinemas.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2008 has witnessed the repeated trend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
the maximum amount of income on electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
, followed by clothing at 17%. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
speeding on eating is 6% and money spent on going on holidays is 5%.

From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1999 to 2008, there is a considerable increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on clothes and electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. While there is 3% sharp decrease in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on holidays and there is slight decrease on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in eating over the nine years. On the contrast, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on going to cinema and purchasing newspapers/
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
magazines
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The charts compare the spending of an average American household on six different types of products or activities in 1998 and 2008. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
203 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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