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It is becoming increasingly expensive for museums to be open to the public. What would be the best solution to keep them open, in your opinion? v.2

It is becoming increasingly expensive for museums to be open to the public. What would be the best solution to keep them open, in your opinion? v. 2
Museums are reflection of our history. It also includes artwork and many inspiration events which keep the youth connected to their heritage. To address these challenges, various reforms can be suggested. I believe that having a visitor fees and allocating a certain part of the museum for the extra activities like arts display or conducting seminars will add extra revenue to maintain the operations. Firstly, increasing the charges or having the minimum fees will allow to look after the operations like employee salaries, maintenance charges and other charges like electricity and water. If these expenses are taken care then operation can run without hindrance. For instance, there are certain museums in India like “Sikh heritage in Punjab” which was constructed with a budget of very high amount in 1996. In year 2000, government could not maintain its operation due to higher maintenance charges. Consequently administration fixed the visitor fees enabling the government to be in better financial position to look after its maintenance costs. Secondly, in an era of having multiple activities on a premises to boost the business. Similarly, museum can also boast of having certain areas to be rented for extra activities like allowing the display of arts or granting permission to conduct the seminars. This will act as precaursor to be more economical for the museum authorities to have an extra profit. It may be highly likely that authorities can possibly expand the museum which can attract more visitors. For example, after the appointment of newly appointed chief minister in New Delhi in India, he had paid the visits to the museum and granted the approval to the administration to allow the extra activities for various cultural programs and seminars To sum up, in-order to make the museum accessible to everyone. It is imperative to increase the visitor fees and to have extra activities in museum premises which are chargeable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are reflection of our history. It
also
includes artwork and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inspiration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the youth connected to their heritage. To address these challenges, various reforms can
be suggested
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
and allocating a certain part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like arts display or conducting seminars will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
revenue to maintain the operations.

Firstly
, increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
Did you mean "looking"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'allow' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to look
after the operations like employee salaries, maintenance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
like electricity and water. If these expenses
are taken
care then operation can run without hindrance.
For instance
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in India like “Sikh heritage in Punjab” which
was constructed
with a budget of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high amount in 1996. In year 2000,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could not maintain its operation due to higher maintenance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
administration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
enabling the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to be in better financial position to look after its maintenance costs.

Secondly
, in an era of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a premise" or simply "premises"?
a premises
to boost the business.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
also
boast of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
certain areas to
be rented
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like allowing the display of arts or granting permission to conduct the seminars. This will act as
Possible spelling mistake found.
precaursor
to be more economical for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
authorities to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
profit. It may be
highly
likely that authorities can
possibly
expand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
which can attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
For example
, after the appointment of
newly
appointed chief minister in New Delhi in India, he had paid the visits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and granted the approval to the administration to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for various cultural programs and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
seminars


To sum up, in-order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
accessible to everyone. It is imperative to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
and to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
premises which are chargeable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic It is becoming increasingly expensive for museums to be open to the public. What would be the best solution to keep them open, in your opinion? v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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