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The graph below presents the number of different airline flights coming to Hong Kong per week in 1980 and 2000. v.1

The graph below presents the number of different airline flights coming to Hong Kong per week in 1980 and 2000. v. 1
The bar graph shows the number of incoming flights from different airlines to Hong Kong in a week in 1980 and 2000. Overall, weekly incoming flights to Hong Kong increased significantly in 20 years and the majority of these flights came from Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia. The bar graph shows the number of incoming flights from different airlines to Hong Kong in a week in 1980 and 2000. Overall, weekly incoming flights to Hong Kong increased significantly in 20 years and the majority of these flights came from Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia. According to the illustration, the highest airlifts in a week in Hong Kong was from Singapore Airways, accounting 16 different flights in 1980. Japanese and Thai Airlines landed 12 flights each to Hong Kong. Different air flights from Malaysia and Korea were marginally lower than that of Thai Airways. Cathay Pacific had 8 flights in a week and the lease number of air voyages to Hong Kong came from Canadian Air - only 2/week. After two decades, the weekly flight number from these airways considerably went up and the highest flights (45) came from Thai Airways, roughly 4 times higher than that of two decades ago. A similar number of flights came from Malaysian and Singaporean airlines and these flights noticeably rose compared to 1980’s flight number. Interestingly, 10 flights per week came from Dragon airways in 2000 and this airline did not have any flight to Hong Kong in 1980. Flights from Japanese and Korean airways trebled and doubled respectively per week while 5 from Canadian Airs reached Hong Kong per week.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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number
of
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incoming
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flights
from
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different
airlines to Hong Kong in a
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week
in 1980 and 2000.
Overall
, weekly
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incoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
to Hong Kong increased
significantly
in 20 years and the majority of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
from Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia. The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
airlines to Hong Kong in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in 1980 and 2000.
Overall
, weekly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
to Hong Kong increased
significantly
in 20 years and the majority of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
from Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia.

According to the illustration, the highest airlifts in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in Hong Kong was from Singapore Airways, accounting 16
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different
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flights
in 1980. Japanese and Thai Airlines landed 12
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flights
each to Hong Kong.
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Different
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air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
from Malaysia and Korea were
marginally
lower than that of Thai Airways. Cathay Pacific had 8
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flights
in a
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week
and the lease
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number
of
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air
voyages to Hong Kong
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came
from Canadian
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Air
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
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only
2/week.

After two decades, the weekly
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flight
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number
from these airways
considerably
went up and the highest
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flights
(45)
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came
from Thai Airways, roughly 4 times higher than that of two decades ago. A similar
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flights
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
from Malaysian and Singaporean airlines and these
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flights
noticeably
rose compared to
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1980s".
1980’s
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flight
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number
.
Interestingly
, 10
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flights
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
from Dragon airways in 2000 and this airline did not have any
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flight
to Hong Kong in 1980.
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Flights
from Japanese and Korean airways trebled and doubled
respectively
per
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week
while 5 from Canadian Airs reached Hong Kong per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below presents the number of different airline flights coming to Hong Kong per week in 1980 and 2000. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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