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The chart below shows the relative percentage of different types of cheese production in the USA. v.2

The chart below shows the relative percentage of different types of cheese production in the USA. v. 2
The pie chart shows cheese production shares in the US market by different manufacturers. Overall, two prominent brands dominate almost two-third of the US cheese production and one of these two in an Italian company. As can be seen in the pie chart, Cheddar cheese is the single most produced cheese in America with its relative share over one-third of the total. This is closely followed by an Italian manufacturer, Mozzarella, whose relative production share is just over 30%. Other Italian and Swiss cheese producers are present in the US cheese manufacturing but their cheese making share is not significant. They produce around one-tenth of the total cheese. The least percentage of cheese is produced by Swizz companies. A similar percentage of cheese making, 8. 8% to be precise, is controlled by other American brands. The remaining manufacturers, marked as ‘all others’, produce around 13% cheese in the US market. In short, Cheddar produces the highest percentage of cheese in the US market followed by an Italian brand – Mozzarella.
The pie chart
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shows
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cheese
production
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shares
in the US market by
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different
manufacturers.
Overall
, two prominent brands dominate almost two-third of the US
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cheese
production and one of these two in an Italian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

As can be
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seen
in the pie chart, Cheddar
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cheese
is the single most produced
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cheese
in America with its relative
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share
over one-third of the total. This is
closely
followed by an Italian manufacturer, Mozzarella, whose relative production
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share
is
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just
over 30%. Other Italian and Swiss
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cheese
producers are present in the US
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cheese
manufacturing
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but
their
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cheese
making
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share
is not significant. They produce around one-tenth of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheese
. The least percentage of
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cheese
is produced
by Swizz
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. A similar percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheese
making, 8. 8% to be precise,
is controlled
by other American brands. The remaining manufacturers, marked as ‘all others’, produce around 13%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheese
in the US market.

In short, Cheddar produces the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cheese
in the US market followed by an Italian brand
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Mozzarella.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the relative percentage of different types of cheese production in the USA. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
170 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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