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The chart below shows the relative percentage of different types of cheese production in the USA. v.1

The chart below shows the relative percentage of different types of cheese production in the USA. v. 1
The pie chart shows a comparison data on cheese production in the USA. As is obvious, Cheddar and Mozzarella brands are two leading cheese makers in the United States. According to the given illustration, Cheddar manufactures more than one-third of the total cheese in the US market while the second position in terms of cheese production is held by Mozzarella, which is an Italian cheese manufacturer. The latter makes slightly over 30% of all cheese in the USA. All other US cheese manufacturers supply just over 8 percent of cheese demands while a similar proportion of cheese is produced by other Italian cheese makers. Swiss cheese makers supply the lowest proportion of cheese in the USA which accounts for marginally less than 3% of the total. Finally, all other cheese producers cumulatively make just over 13% of the demand. In summary, US cheese production is led by two companies – Cheddar and Mozzarella, and all other manufacturers have around a quarter production share in the US market.
The pie chart
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shows
a comparison data on
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cheese
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production
in the USA. As is obvious, Cheddar and Mozzarella brands are two leading
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cheese
makers in the United States.

According to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustration, Cheddar manufactures more than one-third of the total
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cheese
in the US market while the second position in terms of
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cheese
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production
is held
by Mozzarella, which is an Italian
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cheese
manufacturer. The latter
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makes
slightly
over 30% of all
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cheese
in the USA. All
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other
US
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cheese
manufacturers supply
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just
over 8 percent of
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cheese
demands while a similar proportion of
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cheese
is produced
by
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other
Italian
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cheese
makers. Swiss
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cheese
makers supply the lowest proportion of
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cheese
in the USA which accounts for
marginally
less than 3% of the total.
Finally
, all
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other
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cheese
producers
cumulatively
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make
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just
over 13% of the demand.

In summary, US
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cheese
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production
is led
by two
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companies
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Cheddar and Mozzarella, and all
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other
manufacturers have around a quarter
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production
share in the US market.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The chart below shows the relative percentage of different types of cheese production in the USA. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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