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The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v.3

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v. 3
The diagram illustrate the leisure activities for two groups of boys and girls at the interval age of 5-14. Skateboarding or rollerblading, Bike riding, Watching TV or videos, electronic or computer games and art and craft was introduced as a most popular doing among this groups. As shown in figure, watching TV or video has been done with the maximum percentage reach peak of 100% in both groups. For boys, electronic or computer games and bike riding are selected at second and third seat of interest action by about 80 and 75 % respectively. After that skateboarding or rollerblading and art and craft with close percent are introduced as a popular activity in free time. In other hand, girls popularly prefer computer game and then art and craft and bike riding with the same percent. Skateboarding and rollerblading has the minimum popularity for both group as a recreational activity although boys group prefer more. Generally for all recreations, boys are more interested than girls, except, art and craft.
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the leisure activities for two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls at the interval age of 5-14. Skateboarding or rollerblading, Bike riding, Watching TV or videos, electronic or computer games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
was introduced
as a most popular doing among
Did you mean "these"?
this
groups.

As shown in figure, watching TV or video has
been done
with the maximum percentage reach peak of 100% in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
, electronic or computer games and bike riding
are selected
at second and third seat of interest action by about 80 and 75 %
respectively
. After that skateboarding or rollerblading and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
with close percent
are introduced
as a popular activity in free time.

In other hand, girls
popularly
prefer computer game and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
and bike riding with the same percent. Skateboarding and rollerblading has the minimum popularity for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
as a recreational activity although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
prefer more.

Generally
for all recreations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are more interested than girls, except,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
craft
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
168 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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