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The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. v.2

The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. v. 2
The bar chart illustrates how Australian children, between 5 and 14, spend their free time. Their leisure activities are categorised into five different pursuits (Skateboarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games, and Art), and compared by the participation of boys and girls. Overall, it is noticeable that watching TV or videos is by far the most popular activity among Australian adolescents and rollerblading is the least common venture among them. According to the diagram, all Australian boys and girls are fascinated to watch videos or TV programmes and this is the most typical leisure activity among them. The second most favoured activity among these youths is playing computer games and 80% boys are engaged in this pastime compared to 20% fewer girls. In terms of riding a bike, more than 75% of boys do it in their free time while this ratio among girls is less than 60%. 'Art & craft' as an activity is more favourite among Australian girls than boys. The participation of girls in arts and crafts is somewhat double than that of boy's participation. Finally, skateboarding is the least traditional recreation activity among Australian children. Just over 20% of girls and less than 40% of boys take part in it.
The bar chart illustrates how Australian children, between 5 and 14, spend their free time. Their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
into five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pursuits (Skateboarding, Bike riding, Watching TV, Computer games, and Art), and compared by the participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Overall
, it is noticeable that watching TV or videos is by far the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among Australian adolescents and rollerblading is the least common venture among them.

According to the diagram, all Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are fascinated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos or TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and this is the most typical leisure
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activity
among them. The second most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among these youths is playing computer games and 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are engaged
in this pastime compared to 20% fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. In terms of riding a bike, more than 75% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
do it in their free time while this ratio among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is less than 60%. 'Art & craft' as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
among Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. The participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in arts and crafts is somewhat
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than that of boy's participation.
Finally
, skateboarding is the least traditional recreation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among Australian children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
over 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and less than 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in it.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below gives information about the preferred leisure activities of Australian children. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
204 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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