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The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v.4

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 4
The illustration gives information on the possible places to construct a supermarket in Garlsdon. Overall, it is clearly shown that one of the possible sites of a supermarket is in the countryside while the other in the town centre. Firstly, it is apparent that the first site of the supermarket (S1) is located in the countryside where it is far away from the town centre and residential places. However, it is reachable by the public from the town centre and their housing areas by train and other transports on roads as there are a railway track and the main road connecting the supermarket and town centre. In addition, although it is located near to Hendon, its location is far away from Bransdon and Gransdon which have a higher population than Hindon. Turning to the second possible site of the supermarket (S2), it is apparent that, it is situated in the centre of the town where every citizen in the town can easily access. It is fairly convenient for those living in Hindon and Gransdon as there are two ways to reach it, either by train or through the main roads. On the other hand, those from Bransdon can only visit the supermarket through the main road.
The illustration gives information on the possible places to construct a supermarket in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garlsdon
.
Overall
, it is
clearly
shown that one of the possible sites of a supermarket is in the countryside while the other in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.

Firstly
, it is apparent that the
first
site of the supermarket (S1)
is located
in the countryside where it is far away from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and residential places.
However
, it is reachable by the public from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and their housing areas by train and other transports on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
as there are a railway
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "tracks"?
track
and the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
connecting the supermarket and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
In addition
, although it
is located
near to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hendon
, its location is far away from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bransdon
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gransdon
which have a higher population than
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindon
.

Turning to the second possible site of the supermarket (S2), it is apparent that, it
is situated
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
where every citizen in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
can
easily
access. It is
fairly
convenient for those living in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindon
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gransdon
as there are two ways to reach it, either by train or through the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
On the other hand
, those from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bransdon
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
visit the supermarket through the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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