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The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v.3

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 3
The given map shows two possible locations for the planned supermarket in Garsdon City. As is presented in the illustration, the city has a population of more than 65 thousand and the two possible locations for the supermarket are near Hindon area and in the middle of the industrial area. Overall, the first location (S1) would be both away from the town centre and out of the crowd, which would be more convenient for the citizens of Hindson area, while the second location (S2) would be advantageous for the people of Bransdon and Cransdon area. According to the map, the railway surrounds the city and intersects the city almost in the middle. There are main roads for transportation and countryside surrounds the main housings and industries of the city. The housing of the city is mainly in the North and South sides of the city and the town centre is in the middle of the industrial area. The first possible location for the planned supermarket is near the Hindon area where almost ten thousand inhabitants live and the location is in the north-west corner. This location would be ideal for the Hindon people for shopping but the people of Crandon and Brandon, which have great more population, would be far away from this supermarket. The second possible location which is almost in the centre of the city would be surrounded by industrial zones and housings in the North and South sides of the city. This would be an ideal place as it would connect all the shoppers in the three parts of the city. Since the railway passes near this location, this would be a better place in terms of communication as well.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
map
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
for the planned supermarket in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Garsdon
City. As
is presented
in the illustration, the city has a population of more than 65 thousand and the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
for the supermarket are near
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and in the middle of the industrial area.

Overall
, the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
(S1) would be both away from the town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and out of the crowd, which would be more convenient for the citizens of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, while the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
(S2) would be advantageous for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bransdon
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cransdon
area.

According to the map, the railway surrounds the city and intersects the city almost in the middle. There are main roads for transportation and countryside surrounds the main housings and industries of the city. The housing of the city is
mainly
in the North and South sides of the city and the town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
is in the middle of the industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
for the planned supermarket is near the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
where almost ten thousand inhabitants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
is in the north-west corner. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
would be ideal for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hindon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Crandon
and Brandon, which have great more population, would be far away from this supermarket. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
which is almost in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of the city would
be surrounded
by industrial zones and housings in the North and South sides of the city. This would be an ideal place as it would connect all the shoppers in the three parts of the city. Since the railway passes near this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
location
, this would be a better place in terms of communication
as well
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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