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The graph below gives information about ownership of computers as percentGe of population from 2002 to 2010 as well as their level of education v.2

The graph below gives information about ownership of computers as percentGe of population from 2002 to 2010 as well as their level of education v. 2
The bar charts show data about the computer ownership, with a further classification by level of education over a eight year period from 2002 to 2010. Overall, there is an upward trend in ownership of computer over the complete time period as well as with the level of education. It is clearly evident from the first graph that there is a steady but significant increase in the computer ownership over the period. At the beginning of the period, just more than half of the population owned computers and surprisingly by the end of the period three out of four people had a home computer. Analysis of the data from the second chart represents that, with the increase in level of education, there is a correspondent rise in the computer ownership. In 2002, 15% of the computers were owned by candidates with no high school diploma, while in 2010 the figure rose sharply to 40%. There was approximately 30 percentage points difference in computer ownership in case of high school graduates, with 35% in 2002 to 79% and unfinished college students (60% to 90%). The graduates and postgraduates had higher ownership of computers accounting to 85% and 95% percent respectively in 2010. There is only 20 percentage points difference in these two categories from 2002to 2010. To sum up, there is substantial rise in the computer ownership throughout the period and the candidates with higher level of education owned computers to a larger extent
The bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
data about the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
, with a
further
classification by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education over
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "eight-year"
eight year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
from 2002 to 2010.

Overall
, there is an upward trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of computer over the complete time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
as well
as with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education.

It is
clearly
evident from the
first
graph that there is a steady
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
significant increase in the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. At the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
more than half of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computers and
surprisingly
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
three out of four
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had a home computer.

Analysis of the data from the second chart represents that, with the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education, there is a correspondent rise in the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
. In 2002, 15% of the computers were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by candidates with no high school diploma, while in 2010 the figure rose
sharply
to 40%. There was approximately 30 percentage points difference in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
in case of high school graduates, with 35% in 2002 to 79% and unfinished college students (60% to 90%). The graduates and postgraduates had higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of computers accounting to 85% and 95% percent
respectively
in 2010. There is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20 percentage points difference in these two categories from 2002to 2010.

To sum up, there is substantial rise in the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
and the candidates with higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computers to a larger extent
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below gives information about ownership of computers as percentGe of population from 2002 to 2010 as well as their level of education v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
242 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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