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the graph and table show info about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 countries. v.2

the graph and table show info about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 countries. v. 2
The charts illustrate how much of water was used for agriculture, industry and homes all over the world, and water consumption in Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo in 2000. Overall, it is apparent that global water consumption was seen a significant growth over the period from 1900 to 2000, in which agriculture accounted for the highest proportion of water used. Another interesting point is that water consumption was much higher in Brazil than that in the Congo. Looking at the detail, in 1900, around 500 km3 of water was used by the agriculture sector, while the figures for the industrial and domestic water consumption were only one-fifth of that amount. By 2000, there was a considerable climb in the water needs of the agriculture sector, reach a high of about 3000 km3. Likewise, in terms of the industrial and domestic water used, the proportions slightly rose to approximately a half and one-sixth of that amount, respectively. In the year 2000, Brazil had 176 million population compared with just 5. 2 million population of the Congo. Due to having 26. 5 times more irrigated land in Brazil than in the Congo, water consumption per person in Brazil, at 359 m3, was much higher than that in the Congo, at only 8 m3.
The charts illustrate how much of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
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agriculture
, industry and homes all over the world, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in Brazil and the Democratic Republic of Congo in 2000.

Overall
, it is apparent that global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a significant growth over the period from 1900 to 2000, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
accounted for the highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. Another interesting point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
was much higher in Brazil than that in the Congo.

Looking at the detail, in 1900, around 500 km3 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
sector, while the figures for the industrial and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one-fifth of that amount. By 2000, there was a considerable climb in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
sector, reach a high of about 3000 km3.
Likewise
, in terms of the industrial and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, the proportions
slightly
rose to approximately a half and one-sixth of that amount,
respectively
.

In the year 2000, Brazil had 176 million population compared with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5. 2 million population of the Congo. Due to having 26. 5 times more irrigated land in Brazil than in the Congo,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
per person in Brazil, at 359 m3, was much higher than that in the Congo, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8 m3.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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Frank Smith

IELTS academic the graph and table show info about water use worldwide and water consumption in 2 countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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