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The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v.4

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 4
The line graph and table demonstrate the trends of the global water use in three different sectors from 1900 to 2000 and compares the water usage in Congo and Brazil in 2001. There was an overall upward trend in water use in these three sectors over this period. Water consumption in Brazil was much higher than that of Congo. Consuming water in agriculture, industrial and domestic fields all increased dramatically during this time. The figures for agriculture show the most significant changes of all. Between 1900 and 1950 its quantity rose to around 1, 000 km3 and then there was a sudden rise of 2, 000 km3 in 2000. The patterns of industrial and domestic water consumption were very similar to each other. Starting at almost 100 and 50 km3 respectively in 1900 and had remained nearly constant until 1950. After that, the former jumped noticeably to around 110 km3 in 2000. Likewise, the later saw a significant peak, rising by nearly 5 times (from approximately 50 to 250 km3) at the same time. It is clearly seen from the table that the water consumption in Brazil, which had 176 million people, was significantly higher than that of Congo in spite of lower population in Congo (5. 2 million), which had 265 times as less space as Brazil had.
The line graph and table demonstrate the trends of the global
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors from 1900 to 2000 and compares the
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water
usage in Congo and Brazil in 2001. There was an
overall
upward trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in these three sectors over this period.
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Water
consumption in Brazil was much higher than that of Congo.

Consuming
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water
in agriculture, industrial and domestic fields all increased
dramatically
during this time. The figures for agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the most significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of all. Between 1900 and 1950 its quantity rose to around 1, 000 km3 and then there was a sudden rise of 2, 000 km3 in 2000. The patterns of industrial and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar to each other. Starting at almost 100 and 50 km3
respectively
in 1900 and had remained
nearly
constant until 1950. After that, the former jumped
noticeably
to around 110 km3 in 2000.
Likewise
, the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant peak, rising by
nearly
5 times (from approximately 50 to 250 km3) at the same time.

It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the table that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption in Brazil, which had 176 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, was
significantly
higher than that of Congo
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
lower population in Congo (5. 2 million), which had 265 times as less space as Brazil had.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
219 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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