Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide ov v.2

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide ov v. 2
The line graph represents the percentage of students and their parents owning cell phones, at Jenny' s school from 2002 to 2016 and the table gives information about the percentage of people owning cell phone nationwide in three different years based on Jenny' s survey results. Overall, cell phone owners were raising every subsequent year. Parents owning cell phones increased consistently as the year pass, nevertheless, there was a noticeable increase has been observed in students owning cellphones. Additionally, the percentage of people owning cellphones also raised rapidly. On the one hand, parents owning cellphones was around 48% in 2002 increased in a stable way and reached more than 80% in 2016. On the other hand, growth in students owning cell phones vary, although it was 2% in 2002 and increased consistently for 4 years, a considerable increase was seen and by 2012 it reached about 24%. However, Students owning cell phones skyrocketed after 2012 and reached 74% by 2016. Increase in nationwide cellphone ownership percentage also increased rapidly. Moreover, 60% of people own a cellphone in 2002. Interestingly, only 4% do not own a cell phone by 2016.
The line graph represents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jenny&
#039; s school from 2002 to 2016 and the table gives information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
nationwide in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years based on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jenny&
#039; s survey results.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
owners were raising every subsequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
consistently
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
pass,
nevertheless
, there was a noticeable increase has
been observed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
cellphones.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
cellphones
also
raised
rapidly
.

On the one hand, parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
cellphones was around 48% in 2002
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
Consider replacing "in a stable way" with the adverb for "stable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a stable way
and reached more than 80% in 2016.
On the other hand
, growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
vary, although it was 2% in 2002 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
consistently
for 4 years, a considerable increase was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and by 2012 it reached about 24%.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
skyrocketed after 2012 and reached 74% by 2016.

Increase in nationwide cellphone ownership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
rapidly
.
Moreover
, 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a cellphone in 2002.
Interestingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4% do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
by 2016.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide ov v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts