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The graph and table below give informatio about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v.2

The graph and table below give informatio about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 2
The chart compares the amount of water consumption for agriculture, industrial and domestic in the world. Also the table illustrates the different water consumption between Brasil and Congo in 2000. It is clear that the demands of using water increased dramatically from 1900 to 2000. We can also see that water consumption was considerably higher in Brazil than in the Congo. In 1900, around 500 km of water was used for agriculture purpose worldwide. The figures for industrial and domestic water consumption stood at one-fith of that amount. By 2000, one the one hand agriculture use reached at around 3000 km, which was the highest number of all. On the other hand, the industrial and domestic use also rose significantly at approximately 1400 km and 500 km respectively. By comparing the water consumption in Brasil and Congo in 2000, it is important to note that the water needs per person in Brasil, at 359 m, was much more higher than that in Congo, at 8 m, and this could be explained by the fact that Brasil had 265 times more irrigated land. Also the population of Brazil and Congo were 176 million and 5. 2 million respectively.
The chart compares the amount of
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water
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consumption
for agriculture, industrial and domestic in the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the table illustrates the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
between
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Brasil
and Congo in 2000.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the demands of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
increased
dramatically
from 1900 to 2000. We can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
was
considerably
higher in Brazil than in the Congo.

In 1900, around 500 km of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for agriculture purpose worldwide. The figures for industrial and domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
stood at
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one-fith
of that amount. By 2000,
Did you mean "on"?
one
the one hand agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
reached at around 3000 km, which was the highest number of all.
On the other hand
, the industrial and domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
also
rose
significantly
at approximately 1400 km and 500 km
respectively
.

By comparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brasil
and Congo in 2000, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
needs per person in
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Brasil
, at 359 m, was much
Use only "higher" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more higher
than that in Congo, at 8 m, and this could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brasil
had 265 times more irrigated land.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the population of Brazil and Congo were 176 million and 5. 2 million
respectively
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph and table below give informatio about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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