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The graph below shows the average class size in six countries and compares it with the world average class size in 2006 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main points and give comparisons where relevant v.2

The graph below shows the average class size in six countries and compares it with the world average class size in 2006
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of the class size between primary school and lower secondary school in six countries (South Korea, Japan, the UK, Denmark, Mexico and Iceland) in 2006. Overall, it is apparent that South Korea had the highest percentage of children in primary school and lower secondary school, whereas Iceland had the lowest percentage of children. In primary school, the percentage of children whose age between 5 and 10 was about about 34% in South Korea. The proportion of the children was roughly 25%, which as slightly higher than the world average children in primary school. The proportion of the UK, Denmark and Mexico remained between 21% and 23%. Iceland had the least percentage of students, precisely 15%. On the other hand, in South Korea, about 36% of the children studied in lower secondary school, while in Japan and Mexico, this proportion was the same, which was about 31%. In the UK, Denmark and Mexico, the percentage of 13 to 16 years of old children comprised around 23%, which was about 2% lower than the world average children. Iceland again remained the lowest percentage of students in lower secondary school (approximately 17%).
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
size between
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primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and lower
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secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in six countries (South Korea, Japan, the UK, Denmark, Mexico and Iceland) in 2006.

Overall
, it is apparent that South Korea had the highest
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percentage
of
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children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
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school
, whereas Iceland had the lowest
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percentage
of children.

In
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primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
whose age between 5 and 10 was
Possible typo: you repeated a word
about about
34% in South Korea. The proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was roughly 25%, which as
slightly
higher than the world average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The proportion of the UK, Denmark and Mexico remained between 21% and 23%. Iceland had the least
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percentage
of students,
precisely
15%.

On the other hand
, in South Korea, about 36% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
studied in lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while in Japan and Mexico, this proportion was the same, which was about 31%. In the UK, Denmark and Mexico, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 13 to 16 years of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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children
comprised around 23%, which was about 2% lower than the world average
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children
. Iceland again remained the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of students in lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
(approximately 17%).
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The graph below shows the average class size in six countries and compares it with the world average class size in 2006

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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