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The given bar charts indicate the proportion of money that people in France, Germany and England spent on food and other products in 1998 and 2008. v.2

The given bar charts indicate the proportion of money that people in France, Germany and England spent on food and other products in 1998 and 2008. v. 2
The given bar charts indicate the proportion of money that people in France, Germany and England spent on food and other products in 1998 and 2008. Overall, it can be seen that all three countries saw significant increases in the proportion of purchases of both food and other goods over the examined period. In 1998, approximately 15% and 10% of the money French citizens spent was on foodstuffs and other goods, respectively. After 10 years, figures for both categories dramatically climbed to 40%. In Germany, there was a mild increase of 5% of money spent on food, at 25% in 1998, and 30% in 2008. The figures for money spent on other goods were approximately 5% lower during the same years. In England however, buyers spent only 10% on food in 1998 and 15% in 2008. Meanwhile, the figures for money spent on other goods experienced a surge from about 8% in 1998 to 35% in 2008.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts indicate the proportion of
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money
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in France, Germany and England
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spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
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other
products in 1998 and 2008.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that all three countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
significant increases in the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of both
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food
and
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
over the examined period.

In 1998, approximately 15% and 10% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
French citizens
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spent
was on foodstuffs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
,
respectively
. After 10 years, figures for both categories
dramatically
climbed to 40%. In Germany, there was a mild increase of 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, at 25% in 1998, and 30% in 2008. The figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
were approximately 5% lower during the same years.

In England
however
, buyers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in 1998 and 15% in 2008. Meanwhile, the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
experienced a surge from about 8% in 1998 to 35% in 2008.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The given bar charts indicate the proportion of money that people in France, Germany and England spent on food and other products in 1998 and 2008. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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