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the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used internet everyday from 2003 2006 v.2

the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used internet everyday from 2003 2006 v. 2
The bar chart elucidates the information about the proportion of adults of various age groups using internet on daily basis in great britain in the year of 2003 to 2006. overall, the adults of early age represented the maximum utilization of internet in great britain. By scrutinizing the data, it is evident that main users of internet were young adults of age 16 to 24 and they shared same space of 80% in first two years and reached at peak point of 100% in 2005 however it slumped to 90% in next year. Age group of 25 to 44 showed an upward trend from 50% to 80% during the given period of time. By analyzing further, user of internet of age 45 to 54 were grew with time from 60% to 80%. Although the figure for age group 55 to 64 had some fluctuations but it had escalated up to 50% in 2006. The next group of age 65+ had also shown an upward trend in 2006.
The bar chart elucidates the information about the proportion of adults of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
using internet on daily basis in
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great britain"
great britain
in the year of 2003 to 2006.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, the adults of early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
represented the maximum utilization of internet in
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great britain"
great britain
.

By scrutinizing the data, it is evident that main users of internet were young adults of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
16 to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
24 and
they shared same space of 80% in
first
two years and reached at peak point of 100% in 2005
however
it slumped to 90% in
next
year.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 25 to 44
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend from 50% to 80% during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.

By analyzing
further
, user of internet of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
45 to 54 were
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grew
with time from 60% to 80%. Although the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
55 to 64 had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it had escalated up to 50% in 2006. The
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65+ had
also
shown an upward trend in 2006.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the UK who used internet everyday from 2003 2006 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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