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The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100, 000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. v.2

The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100, 000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. v. 2
There are two tables in which the first table illustrates the results obtained from a survey on 100, 000 people the reason they travelled abroad from 1994 to 1998. As for the second table, it depicts the destinations the people travelled to for the same period. Based on the chart, it highlights that the reason why most people travelled abroad was due to the purpose of having holiday. This reason showed the highest figure over the 5-year periods and it showed an increasing trend from roughly 15, 000 in 1994 to over 20, 000 in 1998. It was a quarter rise. There were people who travelled abroad for business purpose. The trend of this reason was raising gradually from 3, 155 in 1994 to 3, 957 in 1998. There was a huge difference if figures between the reasons for holiday and business. As shown in the table, there were a 5 times higher in 1994 and 7 times in 1998 for holiday over business. The other reason, visits to friends and relatives showed a similar trend with holiday and business in which the figures in 1994 and 1998 were more than 2, 500 and around 3, 000 respectively even though there is a slight drop in 1995. People who travelled for other minor factors remained constant over the years at a range between 980 and 990 although there is a sharp rise in 1996 and 1997 to 1, 030 and 1, 054 respectively. According to the other chart, it can be seen that most people travelled to Western Europe as it has the highest number of travellers throughout the years. Western Europe has an inkling trend over the years from around 19, 000 in 1994 to nearly 25, 000 in 1998. North America also showed an increasing trend from nearly 900 in 1994 to about 2, 000 in 1998. To sum up, 1998 is the year which has highest number of people travelled abroad compared to other years.
There are two
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tables
in which the
first
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table
illustrates the results obtained from a survey on 100, 000
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people
the
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reason
they
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travelled
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abroad
from 1994 to 1998. As for the second
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table
, it depicts the destinations the
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people
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travelled
to for the same period.

Based on the chart, it highlights that the
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reason
why most
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people
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travelled
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abroad
was due to the purpose of having
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holiday
. This
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reason
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showed
the highest figure
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over
the
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5-year
periods and it
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showed
an increasing
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trend
from roughly 15, 000 in 1994 to
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over
20, 000 in 1998. It was a quarter rise. There were
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people
who
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travelled
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abroad
for
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business
purpose. The
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trend
of this
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reason
was raising
gradually
from 3, 155 in 1994 to 3, 957 in 1998. There was a huge difference if figures between the
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reasons
for
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holiday
and
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business
. As shown in the
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table
, there were a 5 times higher in 1994 and 7 times in 1998 for
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holiday
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over
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business
. The
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other
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reason
, visits to friends and relatives
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showed
a similar
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trend
with
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holiday
and
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business
in which the figures in 1994 and 1998 were more than 2, 500 and around 3, 000
respectively
even though
there is a slight drop in 1995.
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People
who
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travelled
for
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other
minor factors remained constant
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over
the years at a range between 980 and 990 although there is a sharp rise in 1996 and 1997 to 1, 030 and 1, 054
respectively
.

According to the
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other
chart, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most
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people
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travelled
to Western Europe as it has the highest number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
throughout the years. Western Europe has an inkling
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trend
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over
the years from around 19, 000 in 1994 to
nearly
25, 000 in 1998. North America
also
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showed
an increasing
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trend
from
nearly
900 in 1994 to about 2, 000 in 1998.

To sum up, 1998 is the
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year
which has
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
number of
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people
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travelled
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abroad
compared to
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other
years.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS academic The first chart below shows the resuluts of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100, 000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98, The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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