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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children s sports between 2008 and 2014 The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period v.2

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children s sports between 2008 and 2014 The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period v. 2
One of the line graphs given presents the data of the average monthly spending in pounds on children’s sports for a period of six years from 2008 to 2014. The other graph compares the number of children participated in three different sports from 2008 to 2014. As it can be seen the average monthly spend on sports has increased over the time. And the children participated in football was always higher among the three sports given. To begin, the average monthly spending has positively raisen. With a slight increase of 12 pounds, the spend was approximately 32 pounds by the end of 2014 from 20 in 2008. Coming to the participation in the sports, football always had highest number of participants among the three sports including its slightest down trend in the year 2010. There was a little increase in the number of children interested in swimming from 2008(around 2 million) to 2014 (around 3. 5 million). Athletics which has the lowest participation among the three sports till 2010 has surprisingly reached a 5 million in 2012. By the end of 2014 the participation in athletics was just lower than 5 million outweighing the participation in swimming.
One of the line graphs
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given
presents the data of the average monthly spending in pounds on
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children’s
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sports
for a period of six years from 2008 to 2014. The other graph compares the number of
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children
participated in three
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different
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sports
from 2008 to 2014.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the average monthly spend on
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sports
has increased over the time. And the
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children
participated in football was always higher among the three
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sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

To
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begin
, the average monthly spending has
positively
Possible spelling mistake found.
raisen
. With a slight increase of
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12 pounds
, the spend was approximately
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32 pounds
by the
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end
of 2014 from 20 in 2008. Coming to the
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participation
in the
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sports
, football always had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
number of participants among the three
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sports
including its slightest down trend in the year 2010. There was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
increase in the number of
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children
interested in swimming from 2008(around 2
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million)
to 2014 (around 3. 5
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million)
. Athletics which has the lowest
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participation
among the three
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sports
till 2010 has
surprisingly
reached a 5
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million
in 2012. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2014 the
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participation
in athletics was
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just
lower than 5
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million
outweighing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
in swimming.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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IELTS academic The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children s sports between 2008 and 2014 The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
197 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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