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The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000. v.2

The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000. v. 2
The line graph depicts the situations of parcels delivery of weo dominent mail services companies from the year of 1920 to 2000. The two companies are Federal Expresss and TNT Mail Services. The delivery of TNT increased over the span. It delived 5000 parcels in the year 1920 and continued increasing till 1960s with 12000 parcels every year. Then TNT undergone a gradual decrease between 1960s and 1980s. After that, a sheer increase can be seen in parcel delivery from 1980 to 1990. It continued a moderate increase from the year 1990 to the end of 20th century. The quantity of delived parcels was approximately 25000 in the year of 2000. On the contrast, Federal Express showed ups and downs in the period. The parcel delivery increased steady from 15000 in 1920 to 24000 in 1940. It decreased sharply over the span of 1940s to 1950s. A stagnent period followed in the next ten years. A moderate increase can be seen from 1960s to 1980s. But the business remained stagnent in the next 20 years. The delived parcels was about 18000 items in the year of 2000. As can be found from the diagram, Federal Express delived more parcels than TNT. This trend continued for 70 years. The gep dwindled as time went by and the trend reversed after the year of 1990. TNT delived more parcels than Federal Express after 1990 as the result of that TNT continued increased the quantity of parcels delived whilst Federal Express suffered an unstable business.
The line graph depicts the situations of
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parcels
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delivery
of
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weo
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dominent
mail services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
from the
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year
of 1920 to 2000. The two
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
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Federal
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Expresss
and
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TNT
Mail Services.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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delivery
of
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TNT
increased over the span. It
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delived
5000
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parcels
in the
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year
1920 and
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continued
increasing till 1960s with 12000
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parcels
every
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year
. Then
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TNT
undergone a gradual decrease between 1960s and 1980s. After that, a sheer increase can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
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parcel
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delivery
from 1980 to 1990. It
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continued
a moderate increase from the
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year
1990 to the
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end
of 20th century. The quantity of
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delived
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parcels
was approximately 25000 in the
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year
of 2000.

On the contrast,
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Federal
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Express
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
ups and downs in the period. The
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parcel
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delivery
increased steady from 15000 in 1920 to 24000 in 1940. It decreased
sharply
over the span of 1940s to 1950s. A
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stagnent
period followed in the
next
ten years. A moderate increase can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from 1960s to 1980s.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the business remained
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stagnent
in the
next
20 years. The
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delived
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parcels
was about 18000 items in the
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year
of 2000.

As can
be found
from the diagram,
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Federal
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Express
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delived
more
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parcels
than
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TNT
. This trend
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continued
for 70 years. The
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gep
dwindled as time went by and the trend reversed after the
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year
of 1990.
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TNT
Possible spelling mistake found.
delived
more
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parcels
than
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Federal
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Express
after 1990 as the result of that
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TNT
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continued
increased the quantity of
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parcels
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delived
whilst
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Federal
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Express
suffered an unstable business.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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