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The chart below shows the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrient, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. v.2

The chart below shows the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrient, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. v. 2
The given pie-charts demonstrates various nutrient present in all three meals throughout the day in percentage in USA. Consequently, over-consumption of this three nutrients such as sodium, saturated fat and added sugar can have detrimental effects on health. Firstly, sodium and saturated fat is the most consumed nutrient during the dinner which is 43% and 37% respectively. Apart from that, during breakfast, sodium and saturated fat are almost similar in consumption which is 29% and 26%. Whereas, sodium eaten in snacks and breakfast is similar to each other that is 14%. Furthermore, saturated fat consumed in snacks and breakfast is 21% and 16% respectively. Sugar is the most eatable nutrient in snacks, which is almost 42%. Moreover, sugar eaten in lunch(19%) and breakfast(16%) surpasses the sugar eaten in dinner(23%). To summarize, Sodium(43%) and saturated fat(37%) is the most consumed nutrient in dinner, whereas sugar(42%) is most consumed in evening snacks.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie-charts demonstrates various
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nutrient
present in all three meals throughout the day in percentage
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
.
Consequently
, over-consumption of this three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrients
such as sodium,
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saturated
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fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
can have detrimental effects on health.

Firstly
, sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
is the most
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consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrient
during the dinner which is 43% and 37%
respectively
. Apart from that, during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
, sodium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
are almost similar in consumption which is 29% and 26%. Whereas, sodium eaten in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
breakfast
is similar to each other
that is
14%.
Furthermore
,
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
in
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snacks
and
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breakfast
is 21% and 16%
respectively
.

Sugar is the most eatable
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nutrient
in
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snacks
, which is almost 42%.
Moreover
,
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sugar
eaten in lunch(19%) and
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breakfast(16%)
surpasses the
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sugar
eaten in dinner(23%).

To summarize
, Sodium(43%) and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat(37%)
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrient
in dinner, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar(42%)
is most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
in evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrient, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
150 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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