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The diagram shows how apple is canned. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words v.2

The diagram shows how apple is canned.
The diagram demonstrates the production of an apple can. From a simple recognition to the provided information, it is apparent that manufacturing process consists of 13 stages. Also, the main substance for these processes is obviously apple. At the first stage in the production of apple can, all the apples are picked up from apple trees by hand. next, they are transported by trucks to be washed in the factory. they are distinguished by measuring their quality and then they are sorted at a cold temperature. the cold apples are measured by their weight and after that, they are peeled off. The next step is slicing them and they are put in cans. apple cans are sealed and cooked to be sterilized. after these processes, all the cans are marked with labels and they are stored in factory. the last stage is that they are despatched to be distributed in markets and shops.
The diagram demonstrates the production of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apple
can.

From a simple recognition to the provided information, it is apparent that manufacturing process consists of 13 stages.
Also
, the main substance for these processes is
obviously
apple.

At the
first
stage in the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
can
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apples
are picked
up from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apple
trees by hand.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
next
, they
are transported
by trucks to
be washed
in the factory.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
are distinguished
by measuring their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
quality and
then they
are sorted
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
temperature.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
apples
are measured
by their weight and after that, they
are peeled
off.

The
next
step is slicing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they
are put
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
apple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are sealed
and cooked to
be sterilized
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
these processes, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are marked
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
labels and
they
are stored
in factory.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
last stage is that they
are despatched
to
be distributed
in markets and shops.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram shows how apple is canned.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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