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The diagram shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The diagram shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.
The diagram illustrates the various stages in the purification of seawater. Firstly, seawater is taken from a sea, after that it is piped through the pre-treatment filter. Salty water is carried then to the next stage - main treatment under pressure, pre-treatment filter backwash is returned to a sea so simultaneously The next step of water purification occurs, when seawater is forced through semipermeable membrane. Only water molecules permeate through this membrane, whereas other molecules such as different impurities and salt are too large to go through it. Afterwards too concentrated seawater is returned back to sea, in the meantime, purified water undergoes a posttreatment with lime, fluorine and dissolved chlorine, which is used to kill bacteria. Once the water is refined, it is kept in a storage in order to be integrated into water supply system. Harmful microorganisms and salt molecules are removed, that is why treated water is drinkable.
The diagram illustrates the various stages in the purification of seawater.

Firstly
, seawater
is taken
from a sea, after that it
is piped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the pre-treatment filter. Salty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is carried
then to the
next
stage
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
main treatment under pressure, pre-treatment filter backwash
is returned
to a sea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
simultaneously


The
next
step of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
purification occurs, when seawater
is forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
semipermeable membrane.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
molecules permeate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
this membrane, whereas other molecules such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
impurities and salt are too large to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
it. Afterwards too concentrated seawater is
Consider using "returned".
returned back
to sea, in the meantime, purified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
undergoes a
Possible spelling mistake found.
posttreatment
with lime, fluorine and dissolved chlorine, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to kill bacteria. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is refined
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in a storage in order to
be integrated
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supply system.

Harmful microorganisms and salt molecules
are removed
,
that is
why treated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is drinkable.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The diagram shows how salt is removed from sea water to make it drinkable.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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