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The diagram below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. v.3

The diagram below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. v. 3
The diagram represents the number of houses built in two areas (Derby and Nottingham) from 2000 to 2009. Overall, the number of houses built in Derby increased remarkably despite the periodic stablisation. Meanwhile, Nottingham experienced some periodic fluctuations but mostly showed upward trends. In terms of Derby, only about 48 houses were built in 2000 which increased systematically to reach above 100 houses by 2003 and remained at that point for 4 years before it skyrocketed to above 270 houses in 2008 and nearly 350 houses in 2009. In contrast to the houses building in Nottingham, was much more erratic. In the first two years of the period, more houses were constructed in Nottingham than in Derby. In 2002, however, the number of construction declined to only close to 20 houses and over three years, the houses number rose steadily to record at about 75 houses by 2005 before it dropped to almost 0 housing constructions in 2006. There was another dramatic surge between 2007 and 2008 where almost 200 houses built in 2007 plummeted to only 10 by 2009, the number of new houses rocketed to 250 in the next year.
The diagram represents the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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houses
built in two areas (Derby and Nottingham) from 2000 to 2009.

Overall
, the
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number
of
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houses
built in Derby increased
remarkably
despite the periodic
Possible spelling mistake found.
stablisation
. Meanwhile, Nottingham experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
periodic fluctuations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trends.

In terms of Derby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 48
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houses
were built
in 2000 which increased
systematically
to reach above 100
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houses
by 2003 and remained at that point for 4 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it skyrocketed to above 270
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houses
in 2008 and
nearly
350
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houses
in 2009.

In contrast
to the
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houses
building in Nottingham, was much more erratic.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
first
two years of the period, more
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houses
were constructed
in Nottingham than in Derby.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
2002,
however
, the
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number
of construction declined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
close to 20
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houses
and over three years, the
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houses
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number
rose
steadily
to record at about 75
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houses
by 2005
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it dropped to almost 0 housing constructions in 2006. There was another dramatic surge between 2007 and 2008 where almost 200
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houses
built in 2007 plummeted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 by 2009, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of new
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houses
rocketed to 250 in the
next
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year
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the number of houses built per year in two cities, Derby and Nottingham, Between 2000 and 2009. v. 3

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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