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The diagram below hows how salt is removed from sea water to make drinkable. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The diagram below hows how salt is removed from sea water to make drinkable.
The diagram depicts the various stages to discard the salt from sea water to make it suitable for drinking. First of all, the saltwater is broughtin from the sea to a pretreatment filter by a water intake. From this, filter backwash is removed and is returned to the sea. At the next stage of the process, the water is forced through a membrane at high pressure in order to allow only the water modecules to pass through while salt and other impurities are stopped and the seawater concentrate is sent back to the sea. Next, the water is post-treated with some chemicals such as lime, chlorine and fluoride to obtain drinkable freshwater. It then is transported to the storage where it is distributed to the public via a water supply system. To sum up, the water which results from this process is clean and drinkable because the harmful ingredients, as well as the salt, are removed.
The diagram depicts the various stages to discard the salt from sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it suitable for drinking.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the saltwater is
Possible spelling mistake found.
broughtin
from the sea to a pretreatment filter by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
intake. From this, filter backwash
is removed
and
is returned
to the sea. At the
next
stage of the process, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is forced
through a membrane at high pressure in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
Possible spelling mistake found.
modecules
to pass through while salt and other impurities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
and the seawater concentrate is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
back to the sea.

Next
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is post-treated with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
chemicals such as lime, chlorine and fluoride to obtain drinkable freshwater. It then
is transported
to the storage where it
is distributed
to the public via a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supply system.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
which results from this process is clean and drinkable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the harmful ingredients,
as well
as the salt,
are removed
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS academic The diagram below hows how salt is removed from sea water to make drinkable.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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