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The chart below give information about the amount and type of water in the world and also tell the use of water in three different countries Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The chart below give information about the amount and type of water in the world and also tell the use of water in three different countries
The given Pie charts depicts the quantity and sorts of water in world and the column graph illustrates the proportion of water used for three different countries namely - Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Canada. Overall, it is clear from the graph that availability of fresh water is very low from total world water. While, majority of fresh water found as frozen water. In total, Canada is used the most proportion of water among given countries. From the first pie chart, saline water covered the most of part of total water with 97. 50% and remaining (2. 5%) is fresh water. The second pie chart shows that a little over two third (69. 80%) fresh water available in frozen format such as glaciers and permanent snows. Whereas, fresh underground water shared just more than a quarter (29. 90%). Underground ice is found only around 1% merely. From column chart, the rate of water used in agriculture is the highest in Saudi Arabia, which accounts for a half. Hence other two sectors, Domestic and Industry have only around 7% and nearly 18% of water respectively. Followed by Egypt, 40 per cent of water goes for agriculture purpose, comparing with domestic use and industrial use which make up approximately 9%. However, industrial purpose, almost 45%, dominates agriculture in Canada, which constitutes 30 percentage. The fraction of water used in domestic is almost half, around 20 percentage, compare with industrial sector.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
Pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
depicts the quantity and sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in world and the column graph illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Canada.

Overall
, it is
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clear
from the graph that availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
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water
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low from total world
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water
. While,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
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fresh
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water
found as frozen
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water
. In total, Canada is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the most proportion of
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water
among
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given
countries.

From the
first
pie
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chart
, saline
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water
covered the
Consider using "most part" or "most of the part".
most of part
of total
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water
with 97. 50% and remaining (2. 5%) is
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fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. The second pie
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a
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little
over two third (69. 80%)
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fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
available in frozen format such as glaciers and permanent snows.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
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fresh
underground
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water
shared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
more than a quarter (29. 90%). Underground ice
is found
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only
around 1%
merely
.

From column
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chart
, the rate of
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water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in agriculture is the highest in Saudi Arabia, which accounts for a half.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
other two sectors, Domestic and Industry have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 7% and
nearly
18% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
respectively
. Followed by Egypt, 40 per cent of
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water
goes for agriculture purpose, comparing with domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up approximately 9%.

However
, industrial purpose, almost 45%, dominates agriculture in Canada, which constitutes 30 percentage. The fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in domestic is almost half, around 20 percentage, compare with industrial sector.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The chart below give information about the amount and type of water in the world and also tell the use of water in three different countries

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
237 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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