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The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean. v.1

The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean. v. 1
The map portrays the Hawaiian island chain, which is located in the heart of the Pacific Ocean and roughly 2, 700 kilometres in length. As is presented, it is formed of volcanoes and the active ones are at the south-east tip of the archipelago, where Hawaii itself is situated. It also shows the how the volcano eruption occurs. It is pointed out that the chain began to form almost 80 million years ago on solid dense rock bed and each island started to evolve after an eruption on the seafloor. First, a `hot spot' existed on the ocean bed, which let out a plume of the material called 'magma'. Further, hot spot remained stable. Hence, magma spume was formed. This magma may originate as deep as 2, 883 km below the ocean bed. Next, further eruptions took place, which built up the volcano. Eventually, it emerged above the surface of the ocean. Afterward, the spume of magma has remained immobile as the Pacific tectonic plate moves in a north-west direction across it at an annual speed of 7-9 centimetre. As it moves, a volcano forms as it passes over the hotspot and then become inactive when it has passed it. The other major islands in the Pacific ocean are Niihau, Kauai, Oahu, Molokai, Maui, Lanai and Kahoolawe which are 0-100 kilometres away from each other.
The map portrays the Hawaiian island chain, which
is located
in the heart of the Pacific
Ocean
and roughly 2, 700
kilometres
in length. As
is presented
, it
is formed
of
volcanoes
and the active ones are at the south-east tip of the archipelago, where Hawaii itself
is situated
. It
also
shows
the how
the
volcano
eruption occurs.

It
is pointed
out that the chain began to form almost 80 million years ago on solid dense rock bed and each island
started
to evolve after an eruption on the seafloor.
First
, a `hot spot' existed on the
ocean
bed, which
let
out a plume of the material called 'magma'.
Further
, hot spot remained stable.
Hence
, magma spume
was formed
. This magma may originate as deep as 2, 883 km below the
ocean
bed.
Next
,
further
eruptions took place, which built up the
volcano
.
Eventually
, it emerged above the surface of the ocean.

Afterward, the spume of magma has remained immobile as the Pacific tectonic plate
moves
in a north-west direction across it at an annual speed of 7-9
centimetre
. As it
moves
, a
volcano
forms as it passes over the hotspot and then become inactive when it has passed it. The other major islands in the Pacific
ocean
are
Niihau
, Kauai, Oahu, Molokai, Maui, Lanai and
Kahoolawe
which are 0-100
kilometres
away from each other.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS academic The diagram below gives the information about the Hawaiian island chain in the centre of the Pacific Ocean. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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