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The graph below shows the number of Computer and Internet users in different Arab countries. v.1

The graph below shows the number of Computer and Internet users in different Arab countries. v. 1
The bar graph outlines the proportion of Arab citizens who are connected to the Internet and use computers. Generally speaking, the UAE and Kuwait have by far the highest ratio of netizens, citizens who have access to the computer and Internet technology, while it was the lowest in Egypt and Syria. As the diagram suggests, around one-third of the UAE citizens have access to the Internet, a ratio which is quite higher than their computer possessions. Kuwait in terms of its internet and computer users stood at the second position but has a significantly lower number of netizens when compared to that of the UAE. Besides, roughly 10% Kuwaitis own computers and use the Internet. Lebanese Internet users were somewhat higher than their ratio of computer owners and only 50 out of thousand Lebanese owned computers and their Internet users’ ratio was slightly higher. Interestingly computer ownership in Saudi Arabia was roughly 0. 7% and the Internet users were even lower. Finally, computer and the Internet users in the remaining Arab countries like Morocco, Jordan, Oman and Syria were fewer than 0. 5% and this depicts a dismaying figure in terms of computer and Internet technology penetration in these countries.
The bar graph outlines the proportion of Arab citizens who
are connected
to the Internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers.
Generally
speaking, the UAE and Kuwait have by far the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
of netizens, citizens who have access to the computer and Internet technology, while it was the lowest in Egypt and Syria.

As the diagram suggests, around one-third of the UAE citizens have access to the Internet, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
which is quite higher than their computer possessions. Kuwait in terms of its internet and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
stood at the second position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has a
significantly
lower number of netizens when compared to that of the UAE.
Besides
, roughly 10% Kuwaitis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
computers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet. Lebanese Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
were somewhat higher than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
of computer owners and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50 out of thousand Lebanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
computers and their Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ratio
was
slightly
higher.
Interestingly
computer ownership in Saudi Arabia was roughly 0. 7% and the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
were even lower.
Finally
, computer and the Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in the remaining Arab countries like Morocco, Jordan, Oman and Syria were fewer than 0. 5% and this depicts a dismaying figure in terms of computer and Internet technology penetration in these countries.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The graph below shows the number of Computer and Internet users in different Arab countries. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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