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The diagram below shows the number of shoppers who visited a new shopping complex in its first year of operation and the estimated number of shoppers over the same period. Below the diagram, there are two charts, which show the sales at the centre in the v.2

The diagram below shows the number of shoppers who visited a new shopping complex in its first year of operation and the estimated number of shoppers over the same period. Below the diagram, there are two charts, which show the sales at the centre in the v. 2
As can be seen from the chart, in the first two months after the opening of the new shopping complex, the number of shoppers reached by nearly 50, 000 double the estimate for the period. During March, however, the number of shoppers dropped slightly before picking up during April and May, once again outstripping projections by a wide margin. The summer months proved not only rather erratic with the shopper numbers at the end of August being no higher than those at the end of February, and also falling well below the numbers forecast for the period. During September and October, the number of actual shoppers declined further, but November saw a noticeable turnaround with the volume of shoppers rising dramatically, during which time they did better than the figures predicted. December saw this spectacular rise continue with the number of people shopping at the centre for the year hitting a peak of nearly 160, 000 visitors per month. The sales figures revealed a marked shift in spending patterns at the complex over the year with greater expenditure on Toys, Computers, and Other items at the expense of Food and Clothes. For example, Toy sales soared from 5% to over 30% while at the same time Clothes sales experienced a hefty fall.
As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, in the
first
two months after the opening of the new shopping complex, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
reached by
nearly
50, 000 double the estimate for the period. During March,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
dropped
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
picking up during April and May, once again outstripping projections by a wide margin. The summer months proved not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rather
erratic with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of August being no higher than those at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of February, and
also
falling well below the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
forecast for the period. During September and October, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
declined
further
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
November
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a noticeable turnaround with the volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
rising
dramatically
, during which time they did better than the figures predicted. December
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this spectacular rise continue with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
shopping at the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for the year hitting a peak of
nearly
160, 000 visitors per month.

The sales figures revealed a marked shift in spending patterns at the complex over the year with greater expenditure on Toys, Computers, and Other items at the expense of Food and Clothes.
For example
, Toy sales soared from 5% to over 30% while at the same time Clothes sales experienced a hefty fall.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the number of shoppers who visited a new shopping complex in its first year of operation and the estimated number of shoppers over the same period. Below the diagram, there are two charts, which show the sales at the centre in the v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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