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The plan below show the public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summaries the main information by reporting main features and make comparison where possible. v.2

The plan below show the public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summaries the main information by reporting main features and make comparison where possible. v. 2
The following blueprint illustrates the Grange park when it initially inaugurated in 1920 and same park after refurbishment. The park have entrance in both sides one in Eldon street and other in Arnold Avenue. As an overall trend since 1920 park had more open spaces and garden but, stage in one side for musician. But currently park have underground parking and amphitheater for concerts. apart from that have children play ground and cafe. In century ago when park was first opened for public mostly meant for outdoor activities and exercises. In parks seating and rose garden were present all around the park but currently seats arrange around central rose garden in place of fountain. Another replacement made in musician stage to amphitheater for conterts. However, on other side cafe and children play constructed by destruction of pond for water plants in one corner. While other corner glass house removed and water feature build. The most striking difference is underground car parking which was absent in 1920 model. nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for company or organisation. Why this is the case? What could be disadvantages for it.
The following blueprint illustrates the Grange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
when it
initially
inaugurated in 1920 and same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
after refurbishment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
have entrance in both sides one in Eldon street and other in Arnold Avenue.

As an
overall
trend since 1920
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
had more open spaces and garden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, stage in one side for musician.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
currently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
have underground parking and amphitheater for concerts.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
apart
from that have children play ground and
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
.

In century ago when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was
first
opened for public
mostly
meant for outdoor activities and exercises. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
seating and rose garden were present all around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
currently
seats arrange around central rose garden in place of fountain. Another replacement made in musician stage to amphitheater for
Possible spelling mistake found.
conterts
.

However
, on other side
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
and children play constructed by destruction of pond for water plants in one corner. While other corner glass
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
removed and water feature build. The most striking difference is underground car parking which was absent in 1920 model.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to be self-employed,
rather
than work for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. Why this is the case? What could be disadvantages for it.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The plan below show the public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summaries the main information by reporting main features and make comparison where possible. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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