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The diagram below gives information about household car ownership in Britian from 1971 to 2003 v.2

The diagram below gives information about household car ownership in Britian from 1971 to 2003 v. 2
The graph illustrates the proportion of domestic establish car possession in United Kingdom over a period of 33 years starting from 1971. It can be clearly seen that while the proportion of one car and two or more car experienced development over the period, the opposite was true for no car. Also, the figure for two or more car went through the biggest change over the period shown. In 1917, the proportion of two or more car was lowest with approximately 12 percent in comparison with roughly 37 percent of one car and over 50 percent of no car. over the following 12 years, while the percentage of no car decline dramatically from over 50 percent to 35 percent, that figure for one car went through a significant growth fell by approximately 23 percent. Meanwhile, there was a fluctuation in the percentage of two or more car around 10 percent. The period 1983-2003 witnessed a substantial fall in the proportion of one car about 17 percent, which was followed by a fluctuation around 40 percent. over the period a sharply development was seen in the proportion of two or more car from roughly 10 percent to over 50 percent. By contrast, the proportion of no car reduce gradually from 35 percent to 15 percent and hit the lowest point over a period of 33 years.
The graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of domestic establish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
possession
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
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period
of 33 years starting from 1971.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of one
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car
and two or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
experienced development
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over
the
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period
, the opposite was true for no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
Also
, the figure for two or more
Possible agreement error. The noun 'car' seems to be countable, so consider using: "cars".
car
went through the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
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over
the
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period
shown.

In 1917, the
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proportion
of two or more
Possible agreement error. The noun 'car' seems to be countable, so consider using: "cars".
car
was lowest with approximately 12
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percent
in comparison
with roughly 37
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percent
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
over
the following 12 years, while the percentage of no
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car
decline
dramatically
from
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over
50
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percent
to 35
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percent
, that figure for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
went through a significant growth fell by approximately 23
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percent
. Meanwhile, there was a fluctuation in the percentage of two or more
Possible agreement error. The noun 'car' seems to be countable, so consider using: "cars".
car
around 10 percent.

The
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period
1983-2003 witnessed a substantial fall in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of one
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car
about 17
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percent
, which
was followed
by a fluctuation around 40
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percent
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
a
You used an adverb ('sharply') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('development') instead of another adjective.
sharply development
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of two or more
Possible agreement error. The noun 'car' seems to be countable, so consider using: "cars".
car
from roughly 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
gradually
from 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and hit the lowest point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of 33 years.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The diagram below gives information about household car ownership in Britian from 1971 to 2003 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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