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he chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

he chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.
The provided bar chart illustrates the five preferred country to immigrate by British people. Namely, Australia, New Zealand, USA and France from 2004 to 2007. Overall, Australia was by far the most favored country of destination by British immigrants over the period of four years, while New Zealand and USA were the least number of British Migrants in 2004 to 2007. As we can see in the given chart, the number of British migrants in Australia in 2006 were well beyond than the average of four other countries. About 52, 000 British settler in Australia during this period. However, there was a decline in the number of migrants in 2007 which is approximately 6000 migrants, this is almost similar in terms of the proportion in the past two years (2004 - 2005), which is just below 44, 000 migrants. On the contrary, Australia maintained the most favorite destination of British migrants among 4 major countries. Spain ranked the second country of choice by British migrants as well as France in 2005. Their average number in Spain from 2004 to 2006 was almost the same which was just above 30, 000 migrants. This is exactly similar in France in the year 2005 with approximately 33, 000 migrants. This two country were practically the same migration rate in the year 2007 in Spain and France in 2006 which was just beneath 30, 000 immigrants. Additionally, New Zealand was the third popular country among British newcomer yet there is slow decline with the number of migrants during the period of four years. It decreased from 33, 000 to 20, 000. USA, New Zealand including France in 2004 were almost similar with the number of migrants which beyond 15, 000 British migrants. The USA in 2005 got the lowest level of British immigrants among the five mentioned countries, identical to France in the year 2007.
The provided bar chart illustrates the five preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to immigrate by British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Namely
, Australia,
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New
Zealand, USA and France from 2004 to 2007.

Overall
, Australia was by far the most favored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of destination by British immigrants over the period of four years, while
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New
Zealand and USA were the least
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number
of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Migrants
in 2004 to 2007.

As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart, the
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number
of British
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migrants
in Australia in 2006 were well
Use "(beyond)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
beyond
than the average of four other
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countries
. About 52, 000 British settler in Australia during this period.
However
, there was a decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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migrants
in 2007 which is approximately 6000
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migrants
, this is almost similar in terms of the proportion in the past two years (
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
2004 - 2005
), which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 44, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
.
On the contrary
, Australia maintained the most favorite destination of British
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migrants
among 4 major countries.

Spain ranked the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of choice by British
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migrants
as well
as France in 2005. Their average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in Spain from 2004 to 2006 was almost the same which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 30, 000
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migrants
. This is exactly similar in France in the
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year
2005 with approximately 33, 000 migrants.

This two
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country
were
practically
the same migration rate in the
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year
2007 in Spain and France in 2006 which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
beneath 30, 000 immigrants.

Additionally
,
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New
Zealand was the third popular
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country
among British newcomer
yet
there is slow decline with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
during the period of four years. It decreased from 33, 000 to 20, 000.

USA,
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New
Zealand including France in 2004 were almost similar with the
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number
of
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migrants
which beyond 15, 000 British migrants.

The USA in 2005
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the lowest level of British immigrants among the five mentioned
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countries
, identical to France in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2007.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic he chart shows British Emigration to selected destinations between 2004 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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