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The data detail information about of the ages stage of populations between Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. v.2

The data detail information about of the ages stage of populations between Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. v. 2
The charts describe information of the ages of the population between two countries, Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. There is three phases ages will be reported in this data. The explanation of the chart will be generated. First, from this chart seen that percentage of age of population has almost similar type as people who are in 60+ years old in 2000 was a minor population and so do it in projection, 2050 but in different number, 3. 6% in 2000 and 5. 7% in projection 2050. Whilst in Italy, the minor population was people who are in 0-14 years in 2000. The experts also have same research in projection 2050 about population that minor in Italy. But, compare with Yemen in 2000, people who are in 0-14 years was very dominant population, over 50%. In addition, about people who are in 15-59 years in Yemen and Italy, the percentage of population is included in dominant level, except in Yemen, 2000. The difference number of percentage was over 15% in 2000, Italy has bigger number than Yemen and is 11. 1% in 2015, Yemen has bigger number than Italy. To sum up, Italy in 2000 and Italy in 2050 has same type percentage of population. In the first dominant position, there are people who are in 15-59 years, the second, are 60+ years and the last are 0-14 years. While Yemen, people who are in 15-59 years and are in 60+ years, is in opposite position in 2000 and in 2050.
The charts
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describe
information of the ages of the
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population
between two countries, Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050.
Did you mean "There are three phases"?
There is three phases
ages will
be reported
in this data. The explanation of the chart will
be generated
.

First
, from this chart
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seen
that
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percentage
of age of
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population
has almost similar type as
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people
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who
are in 60+ years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in 2000 was a minor
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population
and
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so
do it in projection, 2050
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but
in
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different
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number
, 3. 6% in 2000 and 5. 7% in projection 2050. Whilst in Italy, the minor
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population
was
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people
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who
are in 0-14 years in 2000. The experts
also
have same
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research
in projection 2050 about
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population
that minor in Italy.
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But
, compare with Yemen in 2000,
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people
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who
are in 0-14 years was
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very
dominant
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population
, over 50%.
In addition
, about
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people
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who
are in 15-59 years in Yemen and Italy, the
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percentage
of
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population
is included
in dominant level, except in Yemen, 2000. The difference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
was over 15% in 2000, Italy has bigger
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number
than Yemen and is 11. 1% in 2015, Yemen has bigger
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number
than Italy.

To sum up, Italy in 2000 and Italy in 2050 has same
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "typed".
type
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percentage
of
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population
. In the
first
dominant position, there are
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people
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who
are in 15-59 years, the second, are 60+ years and the last are 0-14 years. While Yemen,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in 15-59 years and are in 60+ years, is in opposite position in 2000 and in 2050.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The data detail information about of the ages stage of populations between Yemen and Italy, in 2000 and projections for 2050. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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