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the bar chart below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v.2

the bar chart below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v. 2
The given bar chart illustrates the details about how many hours each teacher spent while teaching in various schools of four different countries in the year 2001. overall, teachers spend much time in USA in all the three types of schools. To begin with, mentors in Japan, Spain and Iceland spent around 600 hours on primary schools in the year 2001. Whereas, in USA educator spent roughly 750 hours on primary classes which was highest. Similarly, an US mentor spent exactly 1000 hours on lower secondary school and it was nearly 600 hours in japan and Iceland but this was 750 hours in Spain. Moreover, japan tutors spent only 700 hours in upper secondary schools. Also, the Spain and Iceland educators spent around 900 hours in upper secondary schools. While, USA tutors spent the highest amount of time in upper secondary schools which is approximately 1200 hours. To sum up, teachers spent much time on upper secondary schools in contrast with other 2 types of schools.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
each teacher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
while teaching in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries in the year 2001.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, teachers spend much time
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
in all the three types of schools.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, mentors in Japan, Spain and Iceland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
around 600
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the year 2001.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
educator
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
roughly 750
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on primary classes which was highest.
Similarly
,
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
US mentor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
exactly 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and it was
nearly
600
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hours
in japan and Iceland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this was 750
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in Spain.
Moreover
, japan tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
700
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Also
, the Spain and Iceland educators
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
around 900
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, USA tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the highest amount of time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which is approximately 1200 hours.

To sum up, teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in contrast
with other 2 types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS academic the bar chart below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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