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The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. v.1

The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. v. 1
The pie charts compare the ratio of holidaymakers from a region who used different types of lodging in 1965, 1985 and 2005. Overall, the hotel became the primary type of accommodation for the majority of the travellers in 1985 and 2005 despite most of the people’s preference to stay with a friend or relative. According to the illustration, more than half of the holidaymakers from a region stayed in a house owned by a friend or relative in 1965. This ratio declined over the time and dropped to 35 and 30 percent in 1985 and 2005. A hotel was a preferred accommodation for 16% of these travellers and with time more holidaymakers started to live in a hotel. In 2000, more than one-third visitors stayed in a hotel. Camping while enjoying holidays was chosen by 15% people in 1965 and after two decades it was preferred by 18% holiday seekers. The popularity of camping seems like decreased in 2005. Finally, 14% visitors picked a caravan as an accommodation in 1965 and their ratio decreased to 10% in 2 decades but doubled in 2000.
The pie charts compare the ratio of holidaymakers from a region who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of lodging in 1965, 1985 and 2005.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
became the primary type of accommodation for the majority of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
in 1985 and 2005 despite most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s preference to stay with a friend or relative.

According to the illustration, more than half of the holidaymakers from a region stayed in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by a friend or relative in 1965. This ratio declined over the time and dropped to 35 and 30 percent in 1985 and 2005. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
was a preferred accommodation for 16% of these
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
and with time more holidaymakers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
. In 2000, more than one-third visitors stayed in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
. Camping while enjoying holidays
was chosen
by 15%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 1965 and after two decades it
was preferred
by 18% holiday seekers. The popularity of camping seems like decreased in 2005.
Finally
, 14% visitors picked a caravan as
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
in 1965 and their ratio decreased to 10% in 2 decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
doubled in 2000.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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