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The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010 v.2

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010 v. 2
A glance at the charts provided compares the proportion of people working in town A and town B in three different fields between 1960 and 2010. A particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that despite experiencing a decrease, people in the sale sector was by far highest rather than other fields in town A and town B. In detail, in 1960, the figure for people working in the sale was the most common in town A and town B, accounting at 41% and 70%, respectively. Meanwhile, the percentage of those in manufacturing was 29% in town A, which was nearly triple than the figure of town B. In terms of the service, accounting for 30% of town A, slightly higher than 20% of town B. In 2010, instead of a half decrease in both proportion of the sale and service was an exponential increase by 35% of those working in the manufacturing sector in the town A. However, there was a substantial drop to 53% in the figure for sale, followed by a slight decrease by 2% of the service. Opposite the trend is to increase rapidly to 25% of the figure for people working in the manufacturing in the town B
A glance at the charts provided compares the proportion of
people
working
in
town
A and
town
B in three
different
fields between 1960 and 2010.

A
particularly interesting
fact highlighted by the
figure
is that despite experiencing a decrease,
people
in the
sale
sector was by far highest
rather
than other fields in
town
A and
town
B.

In detail, in 1960, the
figure
for
people
working
in the
sale
was the most common in
town
A and
town
B, accounting at 41% and 70%,
respectively
. Meanwhile, the percentage of those in manufacturing was 29% in
town
A, which was
nearly
triple
than the
figure
of
town
B. In terms of the service, accounting for 30% of
town
A,
slightly
higher than 20% of
town
B.

In 2010,
instead
of a half decrease in both proportion of the
sale
and service was an exponential increase by 35% of those
working
in the manufacturing sector in the
town
A.
However
, there was a substantial drop to 53% in the
figure
for
sale
, followed by a slight decrease by 2% of the service. Opposite the trend is to increase
rapidly
to 25% of the
figure
for
people
working
in the manufacturing in the
town
B
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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