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The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010 v.2

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010 v. 2
A glance at the charts provided compares the proportion of people working in town A and town B in three different fields between 1960 and 2010. A particularly interesting fact highlighted by the figure is that despite experiencing a decrease, people in the sale sector was by far highest rather than other fields in town A and town B. In detail, in 1960, the figure for people working in the sale was the most common in town A and town B, accounting at 41% and 70%, respectively. Meanwhile, the percentage of those in manufacturing was 29% in town A, which was nearly triple than the figure of town B. In terms of the service, accounting for 30% of town A, slightly higher than 20% of town B. In 2010, instead of a half decrease in both proportion of the sale and service was an exponential increase by 35% of those working in the manufacturing sector in the town A. However, there was a substantial drop to 53% in the figure for sale, followed by a slight decrease by 2% of the service. Opposite the trend is to increase rapidly to 25% of the figure for people working in the manufacturing in the town B
A glance at the charts provided compares the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
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town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields between 1960 and 2010.

A
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
particularly interesting
fact highlighted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
is that despite experiencing a decrease,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
sector was by far highest
rather
than other fields in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.

In detail, in 1960, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
was the most common in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B, accounting at 41% and 70%,
respectively
. Meanwhile, the percentage of those in manufacturing was 29% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A, which was
nearly
Use "(triple)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
triple
than the
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figure
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B. In terms of the service, accounting for 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A,
slightly
higher than 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
B.

In 2010,
instead
of a half decrease in both proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
and service was an exponential increase by 35% of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the manufacturing sector in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
A.
However
, there was a substantial drop to 53% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
, followed by a slight decrease by 2% of the service. Opposite the trend is to increase
rapidly
to 25% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the manufacturing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
B
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years 1960 and 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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