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The two graphs below show the percentage of smokes and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960 2000 Summarize the information by choosing and reporting the key features and make any relevant comparisons v.2

The two graphs below show the percentage of smokes and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960 2000
The given first graph illustrates the proportion of smokers in USA, Japan and Holland, while the second graph provides data on the amount of alcohol, which was consumed in litre per person in Turkey, Holland and USA between 1960 and 2000. Overall, what stands ot from the graphs are that, the amount of smoker people in there countries have decreased significantly over the time period in question, whereas among the three countries, Holland and USA made up the highest consumption, followed by Turkey population representing the lowest and relatively stable. According to amount of smokers in USA, it accounted for 60% of population and trend plateau till almost 1972 before declining sharply to just 45% in 1980. By following it, the figure decreased steadily to roughly 35% in 2000. Likewise the presentage of smokers in Holland began at 50 and then there was a constant fall and the span between USA and Holland has been roughly same between 1980 and 2000. Finally, the percentage of smoker people in Japan decreased steadily from 40 to namely 20 over the span of year. Regarding to second graph, it can be seen that, the trend of Holland changed significantly, it commence at 4 litre per person and after that the figure jumped sharply and reached a pick of 12 in 1980. Next, the trend decreased slowly to 10 but this was followed by a plateau. The amount of alcohol which was consumed in USA made up 8, after which the trend increased gradually to 10, which was the highest level off it. At this point, the figure decreased gradually to 8. Finally, alcohol consumption in Turkey was remarkably low and the result was the almost same to around 1 the time period covered by the graph.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
illustrates the proportion of smokers
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, Japan and Holland, while the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
provides data on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of alcohol, which
was consumed
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'litre' is British English.
litre
per person in Turkey, Holland and USA between 1960 and 2000.

Overall
, what
Possible spelling mistake found.
stands ot
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
are that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of smoker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
Did you mean "their"?
there
countries have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
significantly
over the time period in question, whereas among the three countries, Holland and USA made up the highest consumption, followed by Turkey population representing the lowest and
relatively
stable.

According to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of smokers
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
, it accounted for 60% of population and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
plateau till almost 1972
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
declining
sharply
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
45% in 1980. By following it, the figure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
steadily
to roughly 35% in 2000.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Likewise
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
presentage
of smokers in Holland began at 50 and then there was a constant fall and the span
A determiner is probably missing here: "between the USA".
between USA
and Holland has been roughly same between 1980 and 2000.
Finally
, the percentage of smoker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
steadily
from 40 to
namely
20 over the span of year.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of Holland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
, it
Did you mean "commences"?
commence
at 4
Possible agreement error. The noun 'litre' seems to be countable, so consider using: "litres".
litre
per person and after that the figure jumped
sharply
and reached a pick of 12 in 1980.
Next
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
slowly
to 10
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
was followed
by a plateau. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of alcohol which
was consumed
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
made up 8, after which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
increased
gradually
to 10, which was the highest level off it. At this point, the figure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decreased
gradually
to 8.
Finally
, alcohol consumption in Turkey was
remarkably
low and the result was the almost same to around 1 the time period covered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS academic The two graphs below show the percentage of smokes and the consumption of alcohol in litres in selected countries for the period 1960 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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