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the chart below shows the percentage of male and female who did various free-time activities in England in 2006 v.2

the chart below shows the percentage of male and female who did various free-time activities in England in 2006 v. 2
The bar chart gives information about the proportion of people who spend their leisure time on different activities by genders in England in 2006. Overall, while watching TV group had the highest figures for both genders, the lowest figure was playing computer games. The percentage of women who were in the spending time with friends and shopping categories were higher than that of men, whereas men were higher than in the remaining categories. In 2006, about 85% of women spent their time on watching TV, which was slightly lower than that of men by nearly 2%. While the percentage of women who spent time with friends and shopping were at roughly 85% and 75%, those of men were lower, at around 80% and 35%, respectively. In addition, the percentage of English men who liked doing sport/exercise and reading in their free-time was around 75%, which was higher that of the counterparts, at roughly 70%. It was around 73% of the male groups interested in using the Internet, while the remaining gender was just around 45%. Finally, only 10% of men was in the playing computer games group compared to 5% of women.
The bar chart gives information about the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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who
spend their leisure
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time
on
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different
activities by genders in England in 2006.

Overall
, while watching TV group had the highest figures for both genders, the lowest figure was playing computer games. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were in the spending
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time
with friends and shopping categories were higher than that of
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men
, whereas
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men
were higher than in the remaining categories.

In 2006, about 85% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
spent their
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time
on watching TV, which was
slightly
lower than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
by
nearly
2%. While the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends and shopping were at roughly 85% and 75%, those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were lower, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
80% and 35%,
respectively
.

In addition
, the percentage of English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
liked doing sport/exercise and reading in their free-time was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
75%, which was higher that of the counterparts, at roughly 70%. It was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
73% of the male groups interested in using the Internet, while the remaining gender was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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around
45%.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of
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men
was in the playing computer games group compared to 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic the chart below shows the percentage of male and female who did various free-time activities in England in 2006 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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