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The chart shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members in all faculties of a major university in 2012. v.2

The chart shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members in all faculties of a major university in 2012. v. 2
The bar graph illustrate the number of men and women education staff members in all faculties at a major tertiary institution in 2012. Overall, engineering and education were the major faculties dominated by male and female. Few women were part of engineering, as the least number of men were part of education department. While, engineering was male dominated and education had a highest number of females in the faculty. Regards to engineering, it was male dominated with almost 82%, whilst the least number was of women at around 19%. Education was second highest with lots of women than men, at above 60% and about 22% respectively. It is noticeable, medicine had an insignificant difference between men and women in the department, at almost 50% and 49% respectively. The number of men in business studies faculty almost doubled the number of females in the same department at about 68% and 38%respectively. Only 3 faculties are female dominated, with insignificant difference, except for education with a huge gap of more than 100%. Other departments are male dominated with a large difference.
The bar graph illustrate the
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number
of
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men
and
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women
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education
staff members in all faculties at a major tertiary institution in 2012.

Overall
,
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engineering
and
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education
were the major faculties
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dominated
by male and
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female
. Few
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women
were part of
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engineering
, as the least
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number
of
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men
were part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
. While,
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engineering
was male
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dominated
and
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education
had
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
highest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in the faculty.

Regards to
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engineering
, it was male
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dominated
with almost 82%, whilst the least
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number
was of
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women
at around 19%.
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Education
was second highest with lots of
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women
than
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men
, at above 60% and about 22%
respectively
. It is noticeable, medicine had an insignificant difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
, at almost 50% and 49%
respectively
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in business studies faculty almost doubled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
department
at about 68% and 38%
respectively
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
3 faculties are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dominated
, with insignificant difference,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
with a huge gap of more than 100%. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
departments
are male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dominated
with a large difference.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of male and female academic staff members in all faculties of a major university in 2012. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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