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The charts show the number of Japanese tourists travelling out of the country and the percentage of Japanese traveller come to Australia in 10 years. v.1

The charts show the number of Japanese tourists travelling out of the country and the percentage of Japanese traveller come to Australia in 10 years. v. 1
Look at two tables, we can see that one illustrates the changes in number of Japanese tourist travelling out of their country, the other informs the proportion of Japanese travellers come to Australia in the period of ten years. Overall, it can be seen that the figure shape of both tables is virtually identical, compared the tops of the column table and the line in the later. While the number of tourists in Japan travel to others countries has a slightly decreased after 1990, the fallen happen two times by 1988 and 1993 in the chart showing percentages of Japanese visit Australia. Except in 1991, the figures which presented numbers travelling abroad in Japan have a steady rise by year. By the end of 1995, the indicator hits the peak at over 15 million tourist, which is three-times as the number in 1985 (5 million). The same with the line chart, the latest statistic showed that the proportion of Japanese that visiting Australia has risen by 3 times, touched the goal 6%.
Look at two tables, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that one illustrates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Japanese tourist travelling out of their country, the other informs the proportion of Japanese
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Australia in the period of ten years.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the figure shape of both tables is
virtually
identical, compared the tops of the column table and the line in the
Did you mean "latter" (=the second of two items)?
later
. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of tourists in Japan travel to others countries has a
slightly
decreased after 1990, the fallen happen two times by 1988 and 1993 in the chart showing percentages of Japanese visit Australia.

Except in 1991, the figures which presented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
travelling abroad in Japan have a steady rise by year. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1995, the indicator hits the peak at over 15 million tourist, which is three-times as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in 1985 (5 million). The same with the line chart, the latest statistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the proportion of Japanese that visiting Australia has risen by 3 times, touched the goal 6%.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The charts show the number of Japanese tourists travelling out of the country and the percentage of Japanese traveller come to Australia in 10 years. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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