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The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v.2

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 2
The bar chart provides information about the number of Japanese people who travel in foreign countries. Also, line graph illustrates the percentage of Japan tourist market which belongs to Australia. Figures are presented yearly, over a ten-year period, starting in 1985. Overall, both charts reveal a gradual increase both of Japan inhabitants who visited foreign countries and the percentage which Australia has in Japan. Between 1985 and 1988 the figures for Japanese travellers increased slightly for above forty million to more than double. The same trend of rise took place in case of Australia market share, but this year the figures hit a peak of approximately 4, 8%. This was followed by a dip, in 1989, which accounts for less than 4, 3%. Compared with those who decided to visit other countries, immediately after 1989, number of Japanese tourists in Australia soared reaching, in 1993, a percentage of 6, 1. After this period figures decreased to 6% in 1995, while in the same year Japan inhabitants who decided to visit foreign countries accounted for 15 million.
The bar chart provides information about the number of Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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who
travel in foreign
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countries
.
Also
, line graph illustrates the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
tourist market which belongs to Australia.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Figures
are presented
yearly, over a ten-year period, starting in 1985.

Overall
, both charts reveal a gradual increase both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
inhabitants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visited foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the percentage which Australia has in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. Between 1985 and 1988 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for Japanese
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
increased
slightly
for above forty million to more than double. The same trend of rise took place in case of Australia market share,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this year the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
hit a peak of approximately 4, 8%. This
was followed
by a dip, in 1989, which accounts for less than 4, 3%. Compared with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decided to visit other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, immediately after 1989, number of Japanese tourists in Australia soared reaching, in 1993, a percentage of 6, 1. After this period
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
decreased to 6% in 1995, while in the same year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
inhabitants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
decided to visit foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
accounted for 15 million.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS academic The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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