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The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia v.2

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia v. 2
The charts compare the percentage of two kinds of shows watched by male, female and four groups of age in Australia. Overall, most of the female watch reality shows, even though they watch slightly fewer game shows. Nevertheless, the people who watch the most television are in the age group of 45 and over. Nearly 70% of female watch reality shows, while approx 35% of male tend to watch this shows. Moreover, regarding from the charts, the most people who watch reality shows is female. However, in terms of game shows, the number of men watching this shows is slightly higher, with just above 60%. On the other hand, nearly 70% of people aged 45 and over like to watch television. Which is clear that elder people have more spare time spending on those shows than youngsters. As can be seen, the least people aged 25-34 watch game shows, with approx 40%. However, 60% of this age group watch reality shows. The percentage of people aged 16-24 who watch reality and game shows is the same, around 50%. Finally, just above 65% of the age group of 35-44 watch reality shows, compare with approximately 30% of this age group watching game shows.
The charts compare the percentage of two kinds of
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shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by male,
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female
and four
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groups
of
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age
in Australia.
Overall
, most of the
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female
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watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
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shows
,
even though
they
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watch
slightly
fewer game
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shows
.
Nevertheless
, the
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people
who
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watch
the most television are in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 45 and over.

Nearly
70% of
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
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shows
, while approx 35% of male tend to
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watch
this
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shows
.
Moreover
, regarding from the charts, the most
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people
who
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watch
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reality
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shows
is
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female
.
However
, in terms of game
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shows
, the number of
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men
watching this
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shows
is
slightly
higher, with
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just
above 60%.
On the other hand
,
nearly
70% of
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people
aged 45 and over like to
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watch
television.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that elder
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people
have more spare time spending on those
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shows
than youngsters.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the least
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people
aged 25-34
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watch
game
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shows
, with approx 40%.
However
, 60% of this
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. The percentage of
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people
aged 16-24 who
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watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
and game
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shows
is the same, around 50%.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 65% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 35-44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, compare with approximately 30% of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
watching game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
202 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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