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the charts below show the number and types of books bought by men and women and four different age groups in the uk v.2

the charts below show the number and types of books bought by men and women and four different age groups in the uk v. 2
the charts give information about the types of books that British men and women and different age groups buy. the initial impression from the charts is that women tend to buy more books than men overall. Although they buy slightly fewer non-fiction books. the people that buy the most books are in the 45+ age group. Nearly 60% of women buy fiction, which is almost twice as many as the number of men who choose this type of book. Nevertheless, most age groups buy more fiction books than non-fiction ones showing that non-fiction is generally less popular than fiction. the number of people buying fiction increases steadily from ages 16 to 45 with the lowest number of books, at just over 40% of the age group, bought by 16 to 24 years old and the highest number, at just over 50%, bought by over 45 s. however, the pattern is different for no-fiction. the number of books bought by 25 to 44 years old is significantly much far than the number bought by 16 to 24 years old and those over 45. just over 40% of 16 to 24 years old buy non-fiction, but this number is not as high as the number of people aged 45 and over buying non-fiction, at nearly 60%. only 31% of 35 to 44 years old buy non-fiction, and the number of 25 to 34 years old is as lower at 28%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
charts give information about the types of
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books
that British
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men
and women and
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different
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age
groups
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buy
.
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the
initial impression from the charts is that women tend to
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buy
more
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books
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
overall
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
they
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buy
slightly
fewer
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non-fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
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the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
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buy
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are in the 45+
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age
group.

Nearly
60% of women
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buy
fiction, which is almost twice as
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many
as the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who choose this type of
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book
.
Nevertheless
, most
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age
groups
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
more fiction
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books
than
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non-fiction
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
showing that
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non-fiction
is
generally
less popular than fiction.

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the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
buying fiction increases
steadily
from
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ages
16 to 45 with the lowest
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number
of
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books
, at
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just
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over
40% of the
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age
group,
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bought
by 16 to 24 years
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old
and the highest
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number
, at
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just
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over
50%,
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bought
by
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over
45 s.

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however
, the pattern is
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different
for no-fiction.
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the
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number
of
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books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by 25 to 44 years
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old
is
significantly
much
Use "farther", "further" to make a comparison with this adjective.
far
than the
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number
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bought
by 16 to 24 years
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old
and those
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over
45.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
just
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over
40% of 16 to 24 years
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old
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buy
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non-fiction
,
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but
this
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number
is not as high as the
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number
of
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people
aged 45 and
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over
buying
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non-fiction
, at
nearly
60%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
only
31% of 35 to 44 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
non-fiction
, and the
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number
of 25 to 34 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
is as lower at 28%.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic the charts below show the number and types of books bought by men and women and four different age groups in the uk v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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