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The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. v.2

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. v. 2
The bar graph shows the results of a survey which was conducted by a company and gives data on the important factors that determine the work performance of employees. As is observed, chances for personal development, relaxed working environment, opportunities for promotion and salary are the main motivating factors for young people for their work performance while comparatively aged people's work performance is affected by the factors like money, competent boss and team spirit. The young employees put the 'chance for personal development' as the most important factor for work performance and more than 80% of them consider this as the most important factor for better performance at works. Relaxed working environment, promotion prospects and money are three other important factors for performance for this age group. The employees of the young group place the work environment, job security and respects from colleagues are the least preferred reasons for performance. On the contrary, employees between 45 and 60, consider money and team spirit as two most important issue for their performance. Job security, relaxed working environment and work environment affect this group the least. Interestingly, the issues which are preferred by the same percentage of both age groups of employees are team spirit (60%), competent boss (50%) and job satisfaction (50%).
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the results of a survey which
was conducted
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and gives data on the
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important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that determine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. As
is observed
, chances for personal development, relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, opportunities for promotion and salary are the main motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for their
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work
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performance
while
comparatively
aged
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people
's
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work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like money, competent boss and team spirit.

The young
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employees
put the 'chance for personal development' as the most
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important
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factor
for
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work
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performance
and more than 80% of them consider this as the most
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important
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factor
for better
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performance
at works. Relaxed working
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environment
, promotion prospects and money are three other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for
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performance
for this age
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group
. The
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employees
of the young
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group
place the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, job security and respects from colleagues are the least preferred reasons for performance.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
between 45 and 60, consider money and team spirit as two most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
issue for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performance
. Job security, relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
affect this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
the least.
Interestingly
, the issues which
are preferred
by the same percentage of both age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are team spirit (60%), competent boss (50%) and job satisfaction (50%).
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
211 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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