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The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. v. 3

The stipulated vertical bar chart depicts the outcome of a survey carried out by the personnel department of a major company and the survey was conducted among 18-35 and 45-60 age groups in order to show various elements that influence their job efficiency.   At a glance, money is the motivating factor among both age groups. To commence with, apparently, among both age groups of 18-35 and 45-60, team spirit motivates equal proportion of people that is 60%. Not only the chance for personal development but also the relaxed working environment is influenced youngsters about 90% and 80 % respectively which is twice than older age group. Surprisingly, competent boss and the job satisfaction have almost an equal proportion of workers satisfaction in both age groups. Apparently, job security only motivates 20 percent of elders whereas, it is among youngsters 40. Even though, 80% youngsters are motivated by promotion prospects, in the case of the old group, only 45% work for promotion. Interestingly, both age groups take money as the most equally encouraging factor to work with 75% while work environment was least with 30%. To conclude, youngsters give great value to chance for personal development at workplaces.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the results of a survey conducted by a personnel department at a major company. The survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance. v.3

The stipulated vertical bar chart depicts the outcome of a survey carried out by the personnel department of a major
company
and the survey
was conducted
among 18-35 and 45-60
age
groups
in order to
show
various elements that influence their job efficiency.
 
At a glance, money is the motivating factor among both
age
groups.

To commence with,
apparently
, among both
age
groups
of 18-35 and 45-60, team spirit motivates equal proportion of
people
that is
60%. Not
only
the chance for personal development
but
also
the relaxed working environment
is influenced
youngsters about 90% and 80 %
respectively
which is
twice
than older
age
group
.
Surprisingly
, competent boss and the job satisfaction have almost an equal proportion of workers satisfaction in both
age
groups
.
Apparently
, job security
only
motivates 20 percent of elders whereas, it is among youngsters 40.
Even though
, 80% youngsters
are motivated
by promotion prospects, in the case of the
old
group
,
only
45% work for promotion.
Interestingly
, both
age
groups
take money as the most
equally
encouraging factor to work with 75% while work environment was least with 30%.

To conclude
, youngsters give great value to chance for personal development at workplaces.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Academic
3 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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