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The Pie charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v.2

The Pie charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v. 2
The given pie charts illustrate the information about the survey that how people of two different age groups remain happy due to certain reason. Breaking it down in five different categories for people below 30 and above 30 years old. Overall, most of the people belong to both the groups survive joyfully because of three common reasons which are doing hobbies, achievement at work and other factors. Regarding the charts, achievement at work is the highest reason for the happiness of all age people who account for 31% for under 30 and 32% for over 30 years old people. Percentage-wise other two common factors behind the satisfaction of humans for both the groups are doing hobbies and other factors which are 22% and 14 respectively for people under 30 while 24% and 10% respectively for people over 30. Looking at the dissimilar factors for both, 18% of people smile with having a good appearance in comparison with 15% of people due to travelling to numerous places who are under 30 years. On the other hand, for the other age group people, 20% are delighted by having a financially secured future and 14% are cheerful by spending quality time with family.
The
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given
pie charts illustrate the information about the survey that how
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people
of two
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different
age
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groups
remain happy due to certain reason. Breaking it down in five
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different
categories for
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people
below 30 and above 30 years
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old
.

Overall
, most of the
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people
belong to both the
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groups
survive
joyfully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of three common reasons which are doing hobbies, achievement at work and
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other
factors.

Regarding the charts, achievement at work is the highest reason for the happiness of all age
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people
who account for 31% for under 30 and 32% for over 30 years
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old
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people
. Percentage-wise
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other
two common factors behind the satisfaction of humans for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
are doing hobbies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors which are 22% and 14
respectively
for
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people
under 30 while 24% and 10%
respectively
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 30.

Looking at the dissimilar factors for both, 18% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smile with having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance
in comparison
with 15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to travelling to numerous places who are under 30 years. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, 20%
are delighted
by having a
financially
secured future and 14% are cheerful by spending quality time with family.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS academic The Pie charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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