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The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. v.6

The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. v. 6
The bar chart depicts why adults chose to study and the pie chart shows the people's opinion about the cost distribution of this adult study. Overall it is evident that the most motivating factor for study among adults is due to their keen interest in the subject and the greatest proportion of the cost of study must be borne by the individual and the least must be borne by the taxpayer, according to people's opinion. Having an interest in the subject is a crucial factor that inspires adults to further pursue their academic studies. This is shown by the fact that 40 percent of them opt for this single reason. Similarly, even the zeal to gain higher qualifications persuades 38 percent of adults to choose to advance their level of study. On the other hand, reasons like a support for their incumbent job, building certainty in promotions and study as a leisure activity quite indulges adults to study. These are evident at 22 percent, 20 percent and 20 percent respectively chose to study for these reasons. A small group of 12 percent focus on studying to be able to switch their jobs. However, the least motivating factor to study is to make new acquaintances, only 9 percent. In addition to above, people opine that  40 percent of the adult education cost should be paid by themselves. On the other hand, employers and taxpayers have a comparatively lower share, in their opinion, at 35 percent and 25 percent respectively.
The bar chart depicts why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
chose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinion about the cost distribution of this adult study.

Overall
it is evident that the most motivating factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is due to their keen interest in the subject and the greatest proportion of the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be borne
by the individual and the least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be borne
by the taxpayer, according to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinion.

Having an interest in the subject is a crucial factor that inspires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
further
pursue their academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This
is shown
by the fact that 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of them opt for this single reason.
Similarly
, even the zeal to gain higher qualifications persuades 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to choose to advance their level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
On the other hand
, reasons like a support for their incumbent job, building certainty in promotions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as a leisure activity quite indulges
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. These are evident at 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
chose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for these reasons. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
group of 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
focus on studying to be able to switch their jobs.
However
, the least motivating factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new acquaintances,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9 percent.

In addition
to above,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of the adult education cost should
be paid
by themselves.
On the other hand
, employers and taxpayers have a
comparatively
lower share, in their opinion, at 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the result of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reason why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. v. 6

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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