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The charts below show the profit made by MG Entertainment from different formats in three European countries. v.2

The charts below show the profit made by MG Entertainment from different formats in three European countries. v. 2
The bar charts represent the profits generated by MG Entertainment in 1997 and 2007 from sales of different music formats in Germany, France and Italy. Overall, CDs remain the most profitable music format for MG Entertainment in both years. However, during the 20-year period, Internet downloads observed the strongest growth in profitability, whereas cassettes and vinyl witnessed the sharpest drops. In closer detail, in 1997, music packaged in CDs and sold in shops and online were the most profitable for MG Entertainment. CDs bought in shops in particular generated extremely high profits of 45 million, 25 million and 20 million euros in Germany, France and Italy respectively. Cassettes and vinyl also saw high profits, totalling 15 million in Germany, 17 million in France and 23 million euros in Italy. By contrast, the then-new format of Internet downloads created negligibly profit in this year. Two decades later, in 2007, CDs still reign supreme for MG Entertainment, accounting for 33 million, 21 million and 14 million euros in profits in Germany, France and Italy respectively. Internet downloads were also highly profitable in this year, creating a profit of 5 million euros in Germany and neighbouring France, and 3 million for Italy. Most strikingly, however, is the sharp drop in profitability experienced by cassettes and vinyl. While these formats were highly profitable only two decades prior, by 2007, both formats failed to generate any extra money.
The bar charts represent the
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profits
generated by MG Entertainment in 1997 and 2007 from sales of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formats
in Germany, France and Italy.

Overall
,
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CDs
remain the most
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profitable
music
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format
for MG Entertainment in both years.
However
, during the 20-year period, Internet downloads observed the strongest growth in profitability, whereas cassettes and vinyl witnessed the sharpest drops.

In closer detail, in 1997, music packaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
and sold in shops and online were the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profitable
for MG Entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
in shops
in particular
generated
extremely
high
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profits
of 45
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million
, 25
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million
and 20
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million
euros in Germany, France and Italy
respectively
. Cassettes and vinyl
also
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saw
high
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profits
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'totalling' is British English.
totalling
15
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million
in Germany, 17
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million
in France and 23
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million
euros in Italy. By contrast, the then-new
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format
of Internet downloads created
negligibly
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profit
in this year.

Two decades later, in 2007,
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CDs
still
reign supreme for MG Entertainment, accounting for 33
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million
, 21
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million
and 14
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million
euros in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
in Germany, France and Italy
respectively
. Internet downloads were
also
highly
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profitable
in this year, creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
of 5
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million
euros in Germany and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
France, and 3
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million
for Italy. Most
strikingly
,
however
, is the sharp drop in profitability experienced by cassettes and vinyl. While these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formats
were
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two decades prior, by 2007, both
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formats
failed to generate any extra money.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the profit made by MG Entertainment from different formats in three European countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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