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the charts below shows the annual number of rentals and rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. v.2

the charts below shows the annual number of rentals and rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. v. 2
The line chart compares the number of film products had been sold and rent in a given shop over a period of 9 years from 2002 to 2011. Overall, while annual sales of DVDs experienced an incredible increase, rentals fall sharply throughout a given period of time. In 2002, the number of film products was rented nearly doubled the DVD sales (185 000 and 45 000 respectively). From this year, the revenues from rentals went down gradually, whereas DVD sales went up dramatically. DVD sale reached the peak of the whole chart at over 200 000 in 2007 which are almost twice as many as rentals (130 000). From 2007, there was a general decline in revenues created from selling DVDs but it still kept the dominant position among other types of sales and rental. As can be seen from the graph, rentals continued falling throughout the remaining period, to just over 50 000 products in 2011. VHS is the second popular products had been sold in 2002 (at nearly 190 000) but it dropped consistently until 2005 (at just over 10 000). As a result, this kind of product immediately disappeared after 2005 as the generated revenue is not significant. After one year when VHS were out of the market, a new format of films was introduced which was blue – ray sales. Althoughthe trend of this format sale was generally upwards when it showed up, the number of blues – ray sales is just over 10 000 in 2011.
The line chart compares the number of film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
had
been sold
and rent in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
a period of 9 years from 2002 to 2011.
Overall
, while annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of DVDs experienced an incredible increase,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
fall
sharply
throughout a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time.

In 2002, the number of film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
was rented
nearly
doubled the DVD
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sales
(185 000 and 45 000
respectively
). From this year, the revenues from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
went down
gradually
, whereas DVD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
went up
dramatically
. DVD
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sale
reached the peak of the whole chart at
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over
200 000 in 2007 which are almost twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rentals
(130 000). From 2007, there was a general decline in revenues created from selling DVDs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
the dominant position among other types of
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sales
and
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rental
. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph,
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rentals
continued falling throughout the remaining period, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in 2011.

VHS is the second popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
had
been sold
in 2002 (at
nearly
190 000)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it dropped
consistently
until 2005 (at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10 000).
As a result
, this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
immediately disappeared after 2005 as the generated revenue is not significant. After one year when VHS were out of the market, a new format of films
was introduced
which was blue
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
ray
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sales
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althoughthe
trend of this format
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sale
was
generally
upwards when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
up, the number of blues
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
ray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10 000 in 2011.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS academic the charts below shows the annual number of rentals and rentals and sales (in various formats) of film from a particular store between 2002 and 2011. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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